diff --git a/apps/backend/.gitignore b/apps/backend/.gitignore
index 2bb6d88..1b1d60a 100644
--- a/apps/backend/.gitignore
+++ b/apps/backend/.gitignore
@@ -1,3 +1,4 @@
*.mp4
*.mkv
sample_data
+cache
diff --git a/apps/backend/main.go b/apps/backend/main.go
index 856cc00..47de5f5 100644
--- a/apps/backend/main.go
+++ b/apps/backend/main.go
@@ -12,30 +12,39 @@ import (
// "net/http"
)
+const basePath = "/Volumes/NVME Drive/TV Shows/Top Gear (2002 - 2015)/"
+
func main() {
router := gin.Default()
- router.GET("/quote/:sId/:epId/:qId", vidRequestHandler)
+ router.GET("/quote/*path", vidRequestHandler)
router.Run("localhost:8080")
}
-func trimVideo(qId int) {
+func trimVideo(qId int, qIdx int, filePath string) {
fmt.Println("Transcoding video...")
- ffmpeg.Input("./sample_data/india.mkv").Output("./subs.srt").OverWriteOutput().Run()
+ ffmpeg.Input(basePath + filePath).Output("./subs.srt").OverWriteOutput().Run()
subs, _ := gosrt.ReadFile("./subs.srt")
- sub := subs[qId]
- ffmpeg.Input("./sample_data/india.mkv", ffmpeg.KwArgs{"ss": sub.Start.Seconds() - 30}).Output(strconv.Itoa(qId)+".mp4", ffmpeg.KwArgs{"t": (sub.End - sub.Start).Seconds() + 60, "preset": "ultrafast", "c:v": "libx264", "crf": "30"}).OverWriteOutput().Run()
+ sub := subs[qIdx]
+ ffmpeg.Input(basePath+filePath, ffmpeg.KwArgs{"ss": sub.Start.Seconds() - 30}).Output("./cache/"+strconv.Itoa(qId)+".mp4", ffmpeg.KwArgs{"t": (sub.End - sub.Start).Seconds() + 60, "preset": "ultrafast", "c:v": "libx264", "crf": "30"}).OverWriteOutput().Run()
}
func vidRequestHandler(ctx *gin.Context) {
- quoteId, _ := strconv.Atoi(ctx.Param("qId"))
+ if ctx.Query("secret") != "thisisasecret" {
+ ctx.String(401, "401 - Not authorized")
+ return
+ }
+ filePath := ctx.Params.ByName("path")
+ println(filePath)
+ quoteIndex, _ := strconv.Atoi(ctx.Query("qIdx"))
+ quoteId, _ := strconv.Atoi(ctx.Query("qId"))
quoteId -= 1
- fileName := strconv.Itoa(quoteId) + ".mp4"
- if _, err := os.Stat("./" + fileName); errors.Is(err, os.ErrNotExist) {
- trimVideo(quoteId)
+ cachedFileName := strconv.Itoa(quoteId) + ".mp4"
+ if _, err := os.Stat("./cache/" + cachedFileName); errors.Is(err, os.ErrNotExist) {
+ trimVideo(quoteId, quoteIndex, filePath)
}
ctx.Header("Content-Description", "File Transfer")
ctx.Header("Content-Transfer-Encoding", "binary")
ctx.Header("Content-Type", "video/mp4")
ctx.Header("Cache-Control", "public, max-age=3600")
- ctx.File("./" + fileName)
+ ctx.File("./cache/" + cachedFileName)
}
diff --git a/apps/backend/subs.srt b/apps/backend/subs.srt
index 7e1c7f1..2ea5fee 100644
--- a/apps/backend/subs.srt
+++ b/apps/backend/subs.srt
@@ -1,6551 +1,3945 @@
1
-00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,259
-Sync and corrected by APOLLO
- www.addic7ed.com
+00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:23,510
+Hello. Hello, everybody,
+thank you very much. Thank you.
2
-00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:24,179
-Hello and welcome
-to a Top Gear special.
+00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:26,470
+A big welcome! Nice.
3
-00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:28,599
-You join us in Downing Street
-for a very good reason.
+00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:30,670
+A big welcome.
+Thank you and welcome.
4
-00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:31,279
-You see, shortly after coming
-into power, Mr Cameron
+00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:34,710
+Welcome to what is
+a very special show,
5
-00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:33,879
-noticed that Britain was,
-in essence, bankrupt,
+00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:38,350
+because it is our Christmas special.
6
-00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:35,719
-and that to solve the problem
+00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:41,110
+Yeah, and this year
+it's a little bit different.
7
-00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:38,559
-we needed to do
-more business with India.
+00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:44,590
+Yeah, because it's actually
+the middle of March. It is.
8
-00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:42,159
-He has a point, because it turns out
-we sell more to Ireland,
+00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:48,750
+The main reason it's a little bit
+different is because our producers
9
-00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:45,199
-that has a population of 4.5 million
-than we do to India,
+00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:53,070
+have told us that
+we should try our hands
+at long-distance lorry driving.
10
-00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,679
-that has a population
-of 1,000 million.
+00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,510
+Literally, my idea of heaven. Yeah.
11
-00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,799
-It's actually even worse
-than that.
+00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:59,110
+They told us each to buy a truck
+and report with it
12
-00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:53,599
-It turns out that we sell even less
-to India than the Belgians do.
+00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:04,510
+to what the BBC calls the Republic
+of the Union of Myanmar.
13
-00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:57,639
-So, we contacted Downing Street
-and offered to go over to India
+00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:08,360
+But everybody else calls it Burma.
14
-00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,639
-and run a trade mission
-on the nation's behalf.
+00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,550
+The meeting point was
+a giant parade ground
15
-00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:05,439
-I have here a personal letter reply
-to us from David Cameron himself.
+00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:24,040
+in the middle of
+the old capital city, Rangoon.
16
-00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,879
-"Dear Top Gear,
-thank you for your letter.
+00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,920
+And I was the first to arrive.
17
-00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:12,039
-"Whilst it's true I'm keen on us
-to build on our ties out there,
+00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,310
+I've bought a stereo.
18
-00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:16,159
-"sending you three is not quite
-what I had in mind.
+00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:44,030
+I have a speaker system here
+in the roof,
19
-00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,120
-"The Foreign Secretary
-did wonder instead
+00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:47,910
+the passenger seat has been replaced
+with a subwoofer,
20
-00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:20,079
-about a fencemending
-trip to Mexico."
+00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:53,590
+and there are two amps with
+a combined power of 2,300 watts.
21
-00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:23,479
-"Basically, my message is this..."
+00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:57,390
+The best thing is,
+included in the price was this comb
22
-00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:25,919
-"you do the cars,
-we'll do the diplomacy."
+00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:01,680
+and...an entire lorry.
23
-00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,320
-Oh, here he comes now.
+00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:09,710
+It was built in 1959...
24
-00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,760
-Stay away from India.
+00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,830
+or 1976.
+People are a bit hazy on that.
25
-00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:38,679
-Well, that was unequivocal.
+00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:16,830
+What we do know for sure
+is that Isuzu made the mud flaps,
26
-00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:41,399
-Well, we're going to ignore
-the Prime Minister.
+00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:20,470
+which is odd, because it says
+Mitsubishi on the axles.
27
-00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,599
-What we're going to do instead is
-to buy three second-hand British
+00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:22,910
+Ooh!
28
-00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,959
-cars, and then to head over there
-with a very simple objective...
+00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:24,840
+Is that James? It is James.
29
-00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,120
-to rescue Britain.
+00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,280
+Don't really call that a lorry.
30
-00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,799
-'The start point
-for our trade mission was Bombay.
+00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:38,510
+Morning. Van, mate. What?
31
-00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:05,279
-CAR HORNS BLARE
+00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,070
+We had to bring lorries.
+That is a lorry.
32
-00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:09,280
-'A vibrant, teeming mass
-of 20 million potential customers.'
+00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:44,550
+It's a van.
+Technically it's a crane, actually.
+I've bought a crane.
33
-00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:19,759
-I am the first to arrive,
-and as you possibly wouldn't expect
+00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:46,670
+Oh, is that what that is?
+Look at that.
34
-00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,479
-I don't appear to have
-done this quite right.
+00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:50,990
+A crane, two winches,
+hydraulic rams, legs...
35
-00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:25,399
-This is a Series-1 Rolls-Royce
-Silver Shadow from 1976.
+00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:54,710
+'And it had the latest
+in high-tech dashboards.'
36
-00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:29,599
-Some of you will be saying, "You should
-have brought a modern Rolls-Royce."
+00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,670
+That's a mess.
37
-00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,199
-There's two reasons why I couldn't...
+00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:59,190
+Isn't this going to drive
+your OCD madness...
38
-00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:35,719
-firstly, I had a budget
-of just ã7,000.
+00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:03,110
+Well, I've put labels
+on things corresponding to
+what I think they do.
39
-00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:38,679
-Secondly, a modern Rolls-Royce
-is of course a German car,
+00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:05,870
+Hazards... What's that?
+I've got one of those.
40
-00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:42,599
-whereas this one was hand-wrought
-in Crewe in a factory that used
+00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:09,230
+I've had to put a question mark
+on it. Mine is a sports lorry.
41
-00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:45,559
-to make Merlin engines
-for Spitfires out of the finest
+00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:14,190
+Straight six, rear-wheel drive,
+twin exhausts.
42
-00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:56,599
-'At this point Jeremy arrived... '
-Behold.
+00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:18,590
+BMW 325i and this, almost identical.
43
-00:02:56,600 --> 00:03:00,479
-'..in easily the most inappropriate
-car it is possible to imagine.'
+00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:22,430
+Banging stereo. Really?
44
-00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,999
-You stupid man.
-What's wrong with it?
+00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:26,270
+Seriously. You want to hear it?
+Not really. I expect it's quite...
45
-00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:07,639
-We're here representing Britain,
-and all that's great about Britain,
+00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,070
+Anyway, I'm sure that won't
+become annoying at all.
46
-00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:10,239
-and you have brought along
-a Jaguar XJS,
+00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:42,470
+I need to ask you a question. What?
+Why are you wearing a tie?
47
-00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:13,999
-almost certainly our country's
-most historically unreliable car.
+00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:44,030
+Because I'm a modern lorry driver,
48
-00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,639
-This is the celebration model.
+00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:47,030
+and modern lorry drivers
+are crisp and sharp.
49
-00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:19,999
-Is it a celebration of production
-finally coming to end?
+00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,390
+The days are over
+when you simply turned up
50
-00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,919
-60 years of Jaguar.
+00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:53,240
+with a glove box full of strong
+pornography and egg on your vest.
51
-00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:24,879
-Special wheels,
-special colour-coordinated bumpers,
+00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,830
+At this point, Hammond arrived
52
-00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,359
-four-litre, straight six engine.
+00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,710
+with a glove box full of strong
+pornography and egg on his vest.
53
-00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:30,959
-That thing has a reputation
-for stopping.
+00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,390
+What do you think?
54
-00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,880
-James, as I recall
-the braking system
+00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:06,390
+What is it?
+A lorry or a Hindu temple?
55
-00:03:32,881 --> 00:03:36,079
-and steering is controlled
-by hydraulics. That is right.
+00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,910
+This has been extensively modded.
+Has it?
56
-00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:39,439
-Now, if this car were to break
-down in the Rolls-Royce factory,
+00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:10,710
+Not just the visual improvements.
57
-00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:43,159
-next to the team that built it,
-they wouldn't be able to mend it.
+00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:14,950
+They are significant, the lights and
+the little studdy things, but note...
58
-00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:46,999
-You're in India. Yes. If your
-hydraulics go wrong, you are out.
+00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,590
+Oh, God.
59
-00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,920
-You are an embarrassment
-to the nation.
+00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:19,910
+All of that frame arrangement,
+right, it's a farm truck. Yeah.
60
-00:03:48,921 --> 00:03:51,159
-And can I just say, this vinyl roof,
+00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:23,310
+And that's so it can accommodate
+those low-density big loads.
61
-00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,399
-he's just put the final
-over the guttering.
+00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:27,230
+Big loads of what? Crops.
+What crop? Here? In Burma?
62
-00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,519
-This is not an advertisement.
+00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:31,790
+Home of the Golden Triangle?
+Hay. No. Or turnips. No.
63
-00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,519
-If you were advertising
-Millets' tenting...
+00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:33,430
+Kale. No, heroin.
64
-00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:02,599
-This car helped cement the very
-special Anglo-Indian relationship.
+00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:36,750
+That's all they really grow here.
+You've bought a heroin lorry.
65
-00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,519
-How? The favoured car
-of the maharajas.
+00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,110
+Fit a lot of heroine in there,
+wouldn't you?
66
-00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:08,919
-They sold hundreds of cars to India.
-Only because Jaguar wasn't around.
+00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:44,310
+Hammond, this seat, well, let's be
+honest, it's a church pew. Yeah.
67
-00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:12,799
-All of the maharajas would have had
-XJSs. They wouldn't. They would!
+00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:48,110
+It looks like the sort of railway
+carriage that Agatha Christie
+went about in.
68
-00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,959
-'At this point, something
-very small arrived... ' Ha ha!
+00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:49,870
+James has bought a van.
69
-00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:17,760
-'..in a Mini!'
+00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,760
+Has he parked it a long way away,
+or is it that small?
70
-00:04:17,761 --> 00:04:20,359
-Oh, God, that's an absolute beauty.
+00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:57,920
+'As we were admiring
+the paintwork on Jeremy's lorry,
+our challenge arrived.'
71
-00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:23,239
-That's quite a good idea, actually,
-but don't tell him.
+00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:06,990
+I'm quite excited, actually, come to
+think of it! We're here with these.
72
-00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:26,599
-Hammond, you idiot. You idiot.
-What?! Is that a good idea, is it?
+00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,830
+"In 1943, British, Australian
+and Dutch prisoners of war
73
-00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,359
-Is it a good idea? It's genius.
+00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:15,470
+"were forced by their Japanese
+captors to build the Burma Railway
74
-00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:31,879
-Just to clarify what this is,
-it's a classic Mini Cooper Sport.
+00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,230
+"across South-East Asia.
75
-00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,680
-One of the very last ones
-built, in fact.
+00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:20,910
+"Their efforts and their suffering
+were immortalised in the film
76
-00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:37,719
-Year 2000. That is immaculate.
+00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:24,510
+"Bridge On The River Kwai.
+That's what you're going to do.
77
-00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,879
-That is pretty tidy. It really is.
+00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:27,590
+"You're going to build a river
+bridge which is strong enough
78
-00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,879
-This is India, though.
-It's a big old place,
+00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,830
+"to support the weight
+of your lorries."
79
-00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:45,319
-and this is a small old car.
+00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:34,310
+I don't know anything about
+bridge-building. Build a bridge?!
80
-00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:49,079
-Come on, lads, you both know it is
-the home of the small car. Was.
+00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:37,630
+How big a bridge are we going to
+have to build... Yeah, how big?
81
-00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,079
-No, it still is. What matters most
-in India is how big it is inside,
+00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:41,270
+How much does yours weigh? About
+1,000 tonnes. Afraid it gets worse.
82
-00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:55,519
-how small it is outside, and how many
-people it carries. That's racist.
+00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,550
+You know they said long-distance
+lorry driving? Yes.
83
-00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:58,239
-What?! When India was emerging,
+00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:48,950
+"The only trouble is that you have
+to drive to the river in question,
84
-00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,679
-they saw the car as a tool,
+00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,390
+"which is in Thailand."
85
-00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:02,839
-but now that India HAS emerged,
+00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:53,510
+The River Kwai is not in Thailand.
+Yes, it is.
86
-00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:05,119
-and is one
-of the economic superpowers,
+00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:57,110
+The River Kwai is in Thailand.
+Is it? Where's Thailand?
+But it's in...
87
-00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:08,839
-everybody is going to want something
-with a great, long thrusting...
+00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:58,470
+I promise you, the River Kwai,
88
-00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:11,319
-No, what happens next
-is the country grows out
+00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:01,230
+I know everyone thinks it's Burma,
+it isn't, it's Thailand.
89
-00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:14,639
-of the great, long thrusting,
-and they come back to wanting,
+00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:04,950
+So we're going to go and build
+a bridge over the River Kwai.
90
-00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:17,999
-yes, style, and practicality,
-and convenience...? Look at it!
+00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:09,030
+Like Alec Guinness.
+I don't know how to build a bridge.
91
-00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,119
-Yes, but we are trying to say
-that Britain is a great country,
+00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:15,040
+'In high spirits,
+the journey began.'
92
-00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:24,279
-and has things to offer
-to a country which has succeeded.
+00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,150
+We are off.
93
-00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:28,439
-Such as this... No! ..not a tired old
-Jaguar, and that's a Shadow? It is.
+00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,560
+Oh, yeah.
94
-00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,879
-How far do you think
-he's going to get in that?
+00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:31,830
+We worked out that the most sensible
+way of getting to the river
95
-00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,959
-Well, I think he's probably finished,
-isn't he? That's it.
+00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:33,670
+was to head right across Burma
96
-00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:37,199
-Let's see. 'Hammond and May
-then ganged up on my Jag.'
+00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,880
+to its northernmost border crossing
+with Thailand.
97
-00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:41,199
-I should point out the bits that
-will go wrong. Yes. All of those.
+00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,910
+On this epic 1,200 mile journey,
98
-00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:44,279
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. See all of those
-relays and those connectors?
+00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:45,990
+we would find strange new cities
+with no-one in them,
99
-00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:47,639
-Made in the Midlands, they will go
-wrong. Cooling system will go wrong.
+00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:49,710
+cross mountain ranges
+straight out of Jurassic Park,
100
-00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:50,960
-It's OK, some of the relays
-are made in Spain.
+00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:54,310
+ford disease-filled rivers
+and attend a party which made
101
-00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:57,199
-'We'd find out soon enough
-if we'd made the right choices,
+00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:58,400
+the scene at the end of Apocalypse
+Now look like a quiet night in.
102
-00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,159
-'because ahead lay
-a 1,300-mile journey
+00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,870
+And we'd have to do it all
+in lorries which,
103
-00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:03,999
-'on some of the most dangerous
-roads in the world.
+00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:05,630
+right at the start,
+weren't really working properly.
104
-00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:08,560
-'And then up into the brutal
-high passes of the Himalayas.
+00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,990
+There are gauges. Nothing works.
105
-00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:15,279
-'But first,
-we had to get to know our cars
+00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,310
+Nothing at all. Not one of them.
106
-00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:18,519
-'on the streets of Bombay.'
+00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:16,550
+Not fuel gauge, oil,
+oil pressure, charge, vacuum,
107
-00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:21,999
-HE GIGGLES This is the
-perfect car for this place!
+00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:19,240
+temperature, nothing works.
108
-00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:25,439
-It is a puppy, yes, but it's
-a Staffordshire bull terrier.
+00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,830
+Oh, God above!
109
-00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,399
-It is a... (MAKES BARKING NOISE)
-A tough little puppy.
+00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,510
+Ah! That's not it.
110
-00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,519
-I've forgotten the way
-these things deliver their power,
+00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,630
+There's no synchromesh
+on this gearbox,
111
-00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,559
-it's such a chunky little engine.
+00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:32,470
+so when you go from third to second
+or whatever, you have to -
112
-00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:38,280
-Oow! Yeah, speed humps,
-how I miss you(!)
+00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:35,030
+oh, bloody Nora - double de-clutch.
113
-00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:42,320
-A man taking his washing machine
-for a walk!
+00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:39,110
+Like that. Only smoother.
114
-00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,160
-Morning.
+00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:42,040
+Oh!
115
-00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,119
-Whenever we do these
-long journeys on Top Gear,
+00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:47,920
+Oh, God.
116
-00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,799
-there's always a sense,
-the moment I set off,
+00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:52,560
+How fast am I going?
+Speedo doesn't work.
117
-00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:59,599
-that the car is already on its last
-legs, but in this, there isn't.
+00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,350
+Oh, my giddy aunt!
+The ride is shocking.
118
-00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:03,079
-All the dials are reading
-what they should be reading,
+00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,360
+OG!
119
-00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:06,840
-the engine is smooth, the gear-change
-is smooth, all the electrics work.
+00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,080
+Possibly a bit of play
+in the steering.
120
-00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:12,399
-This is a mobile advertisement
-for Great Britain.
+00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:08,790
+Let me talk you through my brakes.
+They don't really work.
121
-00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,919
-Never mind that Jag today is Indian,
-let's gloss over that.
+00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:12,590
+I've got three centimetres of
+pedal travel where nothing happens,
122
-00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:17,759
-HORN BLARES
+00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:16,560
+and then a millimetre where it all
+happens and the wheels lock up.
123
-00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:22,759
-210 horsepower... what Rolls...Royce
-would have called "adequate."
+00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:22,110
+There's no handbrake,
+and I'm not being stupid.
+I've looked everywhere.
124
-00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:25,959
-It is adequate, more than adequate.
+00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:25,680
+There isn't a puh-chh! one,
+there isn't hand one,
+there isn't a switch.
125
-00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,319
-BUZZER SOUNDS
+00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,390
+And on top of
+the mechanical problems,
126
-00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:30,679
-That's a buzzer that will sound
-if it overheats, say,
+00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:32,110
+we had to deal with
+Rangoon's pedestrians.
127
-00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,959
-or the hydraulic brakes fail. Let's
-check that it works. You see?
+00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,000
+Stop wandering about in the road!
128
-00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:36,280
-BUZZER SOUNDS
+00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:43,390
+Whoa! A granddad's just walked
+by that child, right underneath
+your lorry.
129
-00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:42,399
-I love India,
-I love the dynamism of it all.
+00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,400
+Whoa! Somebody else just did it.
130
-00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:46,199
-People are busy. Business, business,
-business. Get on, get rich.
+00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:51,120
+Pedestrians have no concept
+of traffic. None at all.
131
-00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,360
-Jag!
+00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,560
+And there was another issue.
132
-00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:52,999
-Look at that! Hammond's Mini.
+00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:59,630
+One of the reasons that driving
+here is so difficult
133
-00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,480
-He is a man in love!
+00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:04,470
+is because everybody, as you can
+see, has right-hand-drive cars,
134
-00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:59,439
-MAKES GRUNTING NOISES
-AT GEAR CHANGES
+00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,840
+but they drive on the right.
135
-00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:02,759
-Weirdly, I have never
-actually owned a Mini.
+00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:13,070
+And this is because, for 46 years,
+Burma was run by
136
-00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:06,519
-My brother had one, my best friend
-had one, my girlfriend had one,
+00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:17,840
+a chap called General Ne Win,
+who was a proper lunatic.
137
-00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,159
-which I blew up
-while she was on holiday.
+00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:25,350
+He was guided mostly either by
+his dreams or by his astrologers.
138
-00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:10,959
-I changed the engine in it,
+00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:28,910
+One morning, he woke up
+and he thought,
139
-00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,759
-and I bought one for 25 quid
-and fitted it over a weekend
+00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:32,350
+"My country is slipping too far
+to the left politically,
140
-00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,159
-and never told her.
+00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,790
+"so I shall correct this
+by forcing everybody
141
-00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:19,039
-Until just then, when I told her,
-then. Sorry about your car...
+00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:39,280
+"to drive on the right-hand side
+of the road."
142
-00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,080
-Mel.
+00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:44,430
+This makes life particularly
+difficult for bus passengers.
143
-00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:25,199
-I know Hammond hasn't got it,
-so it's pointless asking,
+00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:48,350
+In a minute, we'll see a bus
+pulled up at the side of the road,
144
-00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,919
-but is your conditioning working?
+00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,870
+at a bus stop, but all the people
+will be getting out
145
-00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,199
-Er, not as such. No.
+00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:54,950
+into the road, because the bus used
+to go on the left, so the doors...
146
-00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,319
-'No, neither is mine.'
+00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,160
+It's just complete madness!
147
-00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:33,759
-I thought it was,
-for a brief, glorious moment,
+00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,270
+You may be wondering why today
148
-00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,600
-but then I realised, no, it isn't.
+00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:05,840
+people don't buy
+left-hand-drive cars...
149
-00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:40,879
-What I was saying then
-about my air conditioning
+00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,200
+..and if I'm honest,
+I'm wondering that as well.
150
-00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,599
-isn't actually true,
-it's working an absolute treat,
+00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:16,000
+Our worst problem, however,
+was that James was navigating.
151
-00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:46,599
-but I don't want to tell them that
-because they will just try
+00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,550
+James, can I say,
+this can't be right.
152
-00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:50,159
-and break it in the night, because
-they're resentful and peevish.
+00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,320
+Sorry! Sorry!
153
-00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:53,919
-Guys, you know the producers
-always provide a backup car
+00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,920
+How does James ever land his
+aeroplane where he wants to be?
154
-00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:57,919
-'on these shoots, in case
-one of our cars go wrong?'
+00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,960
+Right, should be this way.
155
-00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,079
-Yes.
+00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,840
+'It wasn't.'
+Will I even fit down there?
156
-00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,319
-'Have you seen what's coming
-up in the middle lane
+00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:49,550
+Mind that sign on your right,
+Hammond. This is ridiculously tight!
157
-00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:05,120
-'on British plates right now?'
+00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:54,270
+'As I sorted out some compensation
+for the damaged fruit...'
158
-00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:10,039
-I've just seen it. I think
-I've seen it, is it an Allegro?
+00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:58,030
+Thank you. No, no!
+Oh, I see, it was not enough.
159
-00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,679
-It is.
+00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,670
+'..Hammond was discovering
+for the very first time
160
-00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:13,639
-Oh, you're joking!
+00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,670
+'the problems of being tall.'
161
-00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:17,479
-'Spurred on by this
-terrible development,
+00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:06,230
+Hold on a second, these wires...
+these are too low.
162
-00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:19,719
-'we decided to begin
-our vital trade mission,
+00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,080
+Oh, God.
163
-00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:23,800
-'starting with one of Bombay's
-most famous institutions.'
+00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:13,790
+I'm thinking if I crane out...
+It's only this one, isn't it?
164
-00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:28,559
-Everyday an army of about
-5,000 people called dabbawalas
+00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:17,070
+Yeah, lift that, you come
+underneath, I'll drop it on you,
165
-00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:30,879
-travel around the outskirts
-of the city
+00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:19,390
+then it will just slide
+along your rails.
166
-00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:34,279
-collecting lunches in tins,
-like these ones here.
+00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:25,030
+Do it.
+How about five crisp English pounds?
167
-00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:37,279
-They've been made by the wives
-of working men, and from here
+00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:29,360
+Keep coming. Keep coming.
168
-00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,159
-they are transported on foot,
+00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,470
+Haven't been electrocuted yet.
169
-00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:42,640
-or by bicycle
-to the nearest train station.
+00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:40,360
+Haven't been electrocuted yet.
+Still haven't been electrocuted.
170
-00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:48,319
-Each tin is marked
-with a system of symbols
+00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,910
+I don't like it!
+Oh, everyone's going to die!
171
-00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:51,319
-that tells the dabbawalas
-on the train where it's going.
+00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,470
+BANG!
172
-00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:55,200
-So they know which tins have to be
-unloaded at which station.
+00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:49,990
+You've ripped a hole
+in the top of my truck!
173
-00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:03,399
-The tins are then picked up
-at city centre stations
+00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:54,790
+James... Why is your...
+Your lorry's moving, James!
174
-00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:05,079
-by yet more dabbawalas,
+00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,710
+You've winched yourself into...
+Put your handbrake on.
175
-00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:08,399
-who bring them to the menfolk
-in their offices.
+00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:01,390
+It hasn't got a handbrake.
+What do you mean,
+it hasn't got a handbrake?
176
-00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,479
-And the cost of having a piping hot,
+00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:02,600
+It hasn't got a handbrake!
177
-00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:16,200
-home-cooked lunch, delivered
-every day, is ã2 a month.
+00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:07,000
+'We were causing chaos.'
178
-00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:20,279
-'What makes the whole system
-really incredible
+00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,360
+It's broken.
179
-00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:24,279
-'is that 200,000 lunches
-are delivered every day.
+00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:26,910
+Whoa! What was that?!
+James, I've got a headache!
180
-00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:28,399
-'Even though there's no FedEx-style
-computerised tracking system,
+00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,640
+I've never concentrated this hard!
181
-00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:33,319
-'only one mistake is made
-for every six million deliveries.
+00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:35,080
+Sorry. I don't think it will
+go through there, mate.
182
-00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:38,280
-'That works out at an accuracy
-level of 99.9996%.'
+00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:42,000
+Sorry. Sorry.
183
-00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:44,599
-I think, however,
-we could do better.
+00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,320
+Still, the good news is
+we've done two miles.
184
-00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:48,559
-How can we do better than that?! If
-you think about it, they use trains,
+00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:54,760
+'Mercifully, we eventually broke
+free from the narrow streets.'
185
-00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:52,879
-what if we used our cars?
-That's not a bad idea, actually.
+00:12:55,920 --> 00:13:00,270
+I'm in agony. Left foot,
+endless gear changing...
186
-00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:56,199
-The first dabbawalas bring it to the
-car park at the railway station.
+00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,270
+God above.
187
-00:10:56,200 --> 00:11:00,839
-Instead of putting it on the
-train, we'll take it in our cars.
+00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:03,920
+Reverse.
188
-00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:02,559
-We'll beat the train.
+00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:08,670
+Third... Oh, Christ!
189
-00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:04,600
-If you think, when
-you're at home and you
+00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:09,960
+Hang on a minute.
190
-00:11:04,601 --> 00:11:06,639
-order a takeout pizza,
-do they use the train?
+00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,590
+If I engage the low range
+then I can put it in third gear
191
-00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:11,039
-They use a moped or a car. They are
-hamstrung by tradition. They are.
+00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,760
+and basically leave it there
+all day.
192
-00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:14,799
-"For 120 years, we've always used
-to train. We always use the train."
+00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:22,510
+A-ha! How brilliant is this?
193
-00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,200
-This is where we can help.
-Then it will be
+00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,950
+Oh, yeah.
194
-00:11:17,201 --> 00:11:19,599
-remembered the day the
-dabbawala system was updated,
+00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,750
+No more gear changing.
195
-00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,719
-it was in a British car.
-Exactly! Three British cars.
+00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,000
+That doesn't feel
+very low range to me.
196
-00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,399
-We're about to plug that gap.
+00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:37,520
+What is it
+if it isn't a low-range gearbox?
197
-00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:28,720
-That 0.0004% gap.
+00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:41,600
+Oh, my God!
198
-00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:33,359
-'And, so, the next day
-our experiment began.
+00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:54,960
+My truck has split in half.
199
-00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:37,079
-'We would load the meals
-into our cars at Andheri station,
+00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:03,230
+'After I had explained to Jeremy
+that he'd bought a tipper lorry,
200
-00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:40,719
-'in the suburbs, and then race
-the train-bound dabbawalas
+00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:07,310
+'I then had to deal with
+CW McCall on the CB radio.'
201
-00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:45,640
-'to the finish line at Churchgate
-station in the city centre.'
+00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:11,110
+Hey, James. Hello.
202
-00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:51,399
-'Our train rivals prepared for
-the challenge with quiet efficiency
+00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,950
+I've got it. You've got it?
203
-00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:54,360
-'whereas in the car park,
-things were rather less calm.'
+00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,710
+Yeah, my handle.
204
-00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:58,719
-13, right, 13s are there.
-It doesn't matter if it says 13.
+00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:18,720
+I'm going to be called
+Fighting Peacock.
205
-00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:00,439
-It does... it's people's lunches!
+00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:24,190
+Can I just abbreviate that to Cock?
+What are you going to be?
206
-00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:04,279
-All we have to do
-is get them to the other end.
+00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,830
+I thought I'd be James,
+because that's my name.
207
-00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:08,879
-In the right order!
-No, James, please just bung them in.
+00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,800
+Fighting Peacock!
208
-00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,260
-Don't, because we'll just
-be having a race with the
+00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,750
+'On the outskirts of Rangoon,
+we came across a memorial
209
-00:12:11,261 --> 00:12:13,639
-train, which we could do anyway.
-Bung, bung...
+00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,390
+'to the 27,000 Commonwealth soldiers
210
-00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:15,600
-The point is to beat the
-train AND make it work.
+00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,440
+'who died here
+in the Second World War.
211
-00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:17,559
-Bung yours in. Stop interfering!
+00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:47,950
+'It was a timely reminder that
+the Bridge On The River Kwai
212
-00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:20,999
-I'm not interested in your view
-on this. Go and do yours.
+00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,120
+'was rather more than
+a Sunday afternoon movie.'
213
-00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:24,959
-There's a train! There's a train.
-Just load up now.
+00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:58,270
+"The Japanese sergeant moved into
+position, lifted his pick handle
214
-00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:26,200
-I've lost count now.
+00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:01,950
+"and delivered a blow
+across Smith's back
+that would have laid out a bull.
215
-00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,080
-This is hacking me off!
-If they're not in the right
+00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:03,910
+"All the thugs now set to
+in earnest.
216
-00:12:34,081 --> 00:12:36,719
-order we can't claim to
-have beaten the system.
+00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:06,190
+"Soon, little could be seen
+but the rise and fall
217
-00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:41,640
-Just stop fretting about that and
-load it up! Right! No time to lose.
+00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,430
+"of pick helves
+above the heads of the group,
218
-00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,359
-11, 15, 15, 15...
+00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:12,990
+"and there were sickening thuds
+as blows went home
+on the squirming, kicking body,
219
-00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:46,959
-TYRES SCREECH
+00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:16,990
+"periodically pulled back onto its
+feet only to be knocked down again.
220
-00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,960
-Oh, for God's sake!
+00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:20,590
+"Bill Smith cried out repeatedly
+that he was 50 years of age,
221
-00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,079
-The 12s and the odds... What?
-He's gone.
+00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,840
+"appealing for mercy,
+but to no avail..."
222
-00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,519
-How many has he taken? About 12.
+00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:32,870
+The tragedy is
+that all of those 27,000 men
223
-00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:59,280
-You are kidding? In total? Yeah.
-What a moron.
+00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,590
+died fighting for
+the liberation of Burma,
224
-00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:04,959
-'The train and I left the station
-at exactly the same moment.'
+00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:38,990
+and straight after the war,
+Britain got rid of it
225
-00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,639
-Coming through!
+00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:43,440
+and then it fell into the hands
+of a tin-pot dictator
+and Mystic Meg.
226
-00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:10,159
-Over the years, I have raced
-a Japanese bullet train,
+00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:50,990
+'With James still map-reading,
+we headed out into the countryside,
227
-00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:12,439
-the Swiss railway network,
+00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:54,080
+'where we hoped the driving
+would be less stressful.'
228
-00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:15,199
-the French railway network
-and never lost.
+00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,480
+BLEEP Nora!
229
-00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,720
-I don't intend to lose now!
+00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:08,470
+That's my first lock-up,
+total lock-up.
230
-00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:21,439
-Coming through, coming through.
+00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,830
+I've lost second gear.
231
-00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:25,279
-'I'd been forced to take the meals
-that Jeremy had left behind
+00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,110
+There it is.
232
-00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:27,880
-'which was a real treat
-for my spine.' Ow!
+00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:15,590
+Jeremy, that bus overtaking you,
+he's mad.
233
-00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,679
-I think I might have made my already
-lowered suspension even lower still.
+00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,200
+Look, I can't,
+I'm trying to change gear.
234
-00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,159
-Ow!
+00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,880
+'The miles and the hours rolled by.'
235
-00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:37,679
-HORNS BLARE
+00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,480
+Ow! Ow!
236
-00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,239
-Come on, man.
+00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:47,870
+I'm sitting on a church pew,
+for God's sake.
237
-00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:42,919
-Here are the figures...
-the train has got a 14...mile journey
+00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,390
+My knee... Ah!
238
-00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:46,319
-and is scheduled to take 44 minutes.
+00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,190
+Ow! Ow!
239
-00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:49,919
-My journey is 17 miles.
+00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:55,520
+My knee! Ow!
240
-00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:53,600
-17 miles, 44 minutes,
-that means I must average...
+00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,960
+That is the going down of the sun.
241
-00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:03,799
-Green, 18. Green, green,
-green, then yellow.
+00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,960
+It's fabulous. Look at that.
242
-00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,060
-HORNS BLARE Come on,
-lunches, in a hurry.
+00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:20,150
+However, when the sun
+had finished going down,
243
-00:14:06,061 --> 00:14:08,320
-People's lunches,
-coming through.
+00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,000
+things weren't so fabulous.
244
-00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:16,280
-I'm fine for tea towels, thank you.
-No, thank you. Thank you, no.
+00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:31,240
+That girl on that bike,
+she's just invisible.
245
-00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:22,719
-17 miles, 60 miles an hour. No...
+00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:35,270
+There's a moped there
+with no lights on
246
-00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:26,080
-If it was an hour, about...
+00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,390
+and a bicycle there
+with no lights on,
247
-00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:31,120
-'By this stage, Captain OCD
-had finally joined the race.'
+00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:38,990
+and I can't really see them,
248
-00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:36,039
-Correct use of the horn there to
-warn of your presence going past.
+00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:43,760
+because my headlights are, well,
+they're glow-worms in jam jars.
249
-00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,360
-I'm going to try and
-go to the outskirts of
+00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:46,960
+Can you see anything, Hammond?
250
-00:14:38,361 --> 00:14:40,679
-the city slyly and do
-a ring-road approach.
+00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,270
+Not a thing.
251
-00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:44,520
-I think that'll be quicker. It's
-a bit further, but it'll be quicker.
+00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,560
+Literally, just my own stupid
+reflection in my windscreen.
252
-00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:48,279
-Oh, for crying out loud!
+00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:02,150
+Jeez, I'm so frightened of
+running over a pedestrian,
253
-00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:51,679
-The one bit of open road
-and look what I've got behind me...
+00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,480
+I'm not even worried
+about my knee any more.
254
-00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:53,919
-Bombay 5-0.
+00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,790
+Whoa!
255
-00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:57,799
-Hello, officer. Hello, officer,
-doing the speed limit.
+00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,270
+Well, if I had to dip
+the headlights,
256
-00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:02,120
-That has got the hallmarks
-of a massive thunderstorm.
+00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:19,080
+it would appear to be
+full beam or off.
257
-00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:07,039
-As the train sped along,
-my journey, thanks to Jeremy,
+00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:30,510
+A lorry with one central headlamp,
+so you think it's a motorbike
258
-00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,400
-continued to be nerve wracking
-and unpleasant.
+00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:34,320
+until the last second, and then, no!
+It's a massive truck!
259
-00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,080
-Oh! I heard the food move.
+00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:45,000
+I'm bloody tired. I've been driving
+today for exactly 12 hours.
260
-00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:18,719
-Ah! My tins are rattling.
+00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:48,800
+That would be illegal in Britain.
261
-00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,800
-Ow!
+00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:53,000
+But we are now very close
+to the overnight hotel.
262
-00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:27,159
-This is just too easy,
-I'm making cracking progress.
+00:18:56,680 --> 00:19:00,120
+'Two agonising hours later,
+we reached it.'
263
-00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:30,199
-Test. It's fine.
-BUZZER SOUNDS
+00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:18,360
+Do you know what? This is like a
+trucker's place. Are we staying here?
264
-00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,200
-TYRES SCREECH
+00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:23,160
+'The producers said yes,
+and that our room was upstairs.'
265
-00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:34,599
-Yes, it's raining.
+00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:28,600
+Oh, it's not so bad!
+Is it not so bad? Yeah.
266
-00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,719
-THUNDER SOUNDS
+00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,240
+Oh, God.
267
-00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,400
-Bloody hell!
+00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,880
+Worst night's sleep in history.
+It wasn't sleep.
268
-00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:43,159
-This is a big rainstorm now.
+00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,750
+This lot. What were they doing?
269
-00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:47,839
-'The cloudburst only lasted for
-a few moments but, as in any city,
+00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:10,710
+That.
270
-00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:51,119
-'it slowed the traffic right down.'
+00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,030
+Look what I've done.
271
-00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:56,039
-I now have 17 minutes
-to revolutionise dabbawaling
+00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:15,070
+What have you done?
272
-00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:59,800
-and mend Britain's balance
-of payments' deficit.
+00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:20,000
+It's a leg brace so I can change
+gear. So it supports my knee.
273
-00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,240
-Coming through,
-lunch on the way.
+00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:25,750
+Let's go. Let's just move on,
+erase it...
274
-00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,119
-Come on!
+00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,350
+You know those Ice Road Truckers,
+they're always going,
275
-00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:12,159
-I am an ambassador representing the
-sovereign nation of Great Britain.
+00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:32,230
+"We got a real tough job..."
+They can shut up.
276
-00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:14,199
-On a mission...
+00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:35,070
+Cos I don't suspect that
+the Ice Road Truckers
277
-00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:19,159
-Right, this is not good, it's clear
-here. I'm going to go this way.
+00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:37,230
+have to sleep like this chap here.
278
-00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:20,480
-LOUD CLATTER
+00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,360
+Look at him.
279
-00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:27,120
-Oh!
+00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:46,120
+'Before leaving, I checked the map
+to see how far we'd come.'
280
-00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,720
-14 minutes to go.
-Come on, come on, come on.
+00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:52,160
+No? Here? Are you sure?
281
-00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:38,960
-We may have bitten off more than we can
-chew, in this traffic. We may have done.
+00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:55,520
+Here.
282
-00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:50,960
-I'm pretty sure this right is right.
-HORNS BLARE
+00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,360
+Show me. Hammond.
283
-00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:57,719
-Yes, most of that will go in there.
+00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,040
+This is where we began.
284
-00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,280
-You see.
+00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:13,270
+We're heading for here,
+up here, around here.
285
-00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:05,599
-OK, there will be shouting from those
-people who don't get their lunch.
+00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:15,990
+So where do you think we are, then,
+on this road?
286
-00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,920
-Oh, I don't want to lose any more.
+00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:18,790
+No. We're here.
287
-00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,759
-'The train would be at Churchgate
-station in just eight minutes.
+00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:24,510
+You know that fork when we left
+Rangoon and James went left?
288
-00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,119
-'But I was now clear of the jams.'
+00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:31,430
+All of yesterday we drove up here.
+What was it, 14, 15 hours?
289
-00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:23,039
-Here we go, time to unleash
-what used to be 223 horsepower.
+00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,520
+Yeah, but... You're on
+the way to Bangladesh.
290
-00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,199
-TYRES SCREECH
+00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:38,310
+'James suggested we go
+all the way back to Rangoon
291
-00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:31,759
-Oh, no, you're not having that space,
-mate, I am. Big lorry, or not.
+00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:42,190
+'and start again, but I fired him
+as navigator and said
292
-00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,479
-I'm a Mini. Grrrr.
-HORN BLARES
+00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:46,520
+'we should take a small road over
+the hills to get back on course.
293
-00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:35,960
-Get out of my way!
+00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:53,000
+'This would mean driving
+deep into the sticks.'
294
-00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:41,680
-That's the train. That's the train.
-There it is, there it is!
+00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:01,470
+There seems to be a tradition here
+for riding on a lorry rather than
295
-00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:44,880
-Come o-o-o-n!
+00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,510
+necessarily in it. I've just seen
+three or four blokes
296
-00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,839
-This ring road...
-must be quite a big ring.
+00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:08,230
+on the top of the cab of a lorry.
297
-00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:56,480
-This doesn't look very teeming
-20-million-inhabitant- Indian-city-ish.
+00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,750
+So if he brakes suddenly,
298
-00:17:57,880 --> 00:17:59,839
-This is a delay I did not need.
+00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:14,480
+they all get run over, I suppose.
299
-00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:03,440
-Oh, God!
+00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:18,590
+'Still, could be worse.'
300
-00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:10,399
-Move! Move!
+00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,280
+Uh!
301
-00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:14,679
-'In just over 43 minutes,
-I arrived at the station.'
+00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,510
+I'm not a young man and I'm
+not a fit man, I'll be honest.
302
-00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:18,599
-I've beaten the others,
-but more importantly...
+00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:33,670
+And I am suffering in here.
+This ride is really brutal.
303
-00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,799
-I've beaten the train.
+00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:37,030
+The problem is that the sports
+lorry was designed
304
-00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:24,519
-'This was good news for Britain.'
+00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:38,710
+to work for a living,
305
-00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,200
-What do you think of that, chaps?
+00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:42,510
+was designed to have five or six
+tonnes of stuff in the back.
306
-00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,439
-Yes, now, listen...
+00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:47,160
+Without that weight, it's just
+bouncing all over the place.
307
-00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,839
-THEY SPEAK IN HINDI
-What's the matter?
+00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:51,630
+'Obviously, I didn't want
+to admit this to my colleagues,
308
-00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:36,320
-I know, there aren't very many,
-but MUCH hotter than usual.
+00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:57,360
+'so when we stopped for tea I tried
+discreetly to rectify the problem.'
309
-00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:45,319
-'Quite a while later,
-the first of my colleagues arrived
+00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:09,470
+He's putting bricks in his truck to
+weigh it down to improve the ride.
310
-00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:48,559
-'with his afternoon tea
-delivery service.
+00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:12,920
+I can see. He's going to need
+a lot of bricks.
311
-00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:49,999
-Hammond!
+00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:16,150
+'Having come to the same conclusion,
312
-00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,199
-What were you thinking of?
+00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:20,000
+'I decided to borrow
+James's complicated crane.'
313
-00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,759
-What was the point
-in that whole exercise?
+00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,320
+I can't stand watching this.
314
-00:18:55,760 --> 00:19:00,599
-We were transporting boxes of food
-and you left with none!
+00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:42,880
+Right.
315
-00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:04,439
-I left with 17. One was a bit
-ruined when I got here, I admit,
+00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:54,680
+What the hell's happening?
+What have you done, you moron?
316
-00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:09,199
-but 16 lunches were delivered early,
-not in time for tea.
+00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:58,480
+I think you've actually
+caught your own lorry.
317
-00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,640
-Seriously, where have you been
-for an hour and 20 minutes?
+00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:01,880
+Stop! Help! My knee!
318
-00:19:11,641 --> 00:19:14,079
-I went to a different
-station first.
+00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:06,680
+Save the day!
319
-00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:15,919
-No, you didn't, where are they?
+00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:14,030
+Oh, dear. Stop! Put it down!
320
-00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,999
-I dropped them. What? I dropped them.
+00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:17,710
+You'll break the jib off the crane.
+And you've knackered my lorry.
321
-00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,479
-You dropped them?
-They fell off the roof. Yes.
+00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,390
+I've just saved the day
+by tipping my lorry up.
322
-00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:25,039
-And where is May?
-Have you seen him? No!
+00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:23,910
+The bricks have fallen out,
+the handbrake's not on.
323
-00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,639
-'It turned out James
-hadn't just lost the race...
+00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:27,000
+What have you done? It is on.
324
-00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,920
-'he'd lost Bombay.'
+00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:32,160
+'At this point, I opted for
+a less high-tech solution.
325
-00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:35,080
-Oh, cock.
+00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:41,910
+'And after they'd loaded a tonne
+of bricks in the back,
326
-00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:41,279
-Having achieved an accuracy rating
-in our delivery service of just 4%,
+00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,120
+'there was a noticeable difference.'
327
-00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:46,119
-we decided to abandon dabbawaling
-and head north to Jaipur.
+00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:49,600
+It's not perfect,
+but it's a hell of a lot better.
328
-00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:51,720
-But instead of driving, the producer
-insisted we take an overnight train.
+00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:54,600
+If I put more weight in,
+it will be even more comfortable.
329
-00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:06,360
-They CANNOT be serious!
-That is not a motor rail carriage.
+00:24:56,080 --> 00:25:00,720
+'So at the next village, I bought
+some of the region's special seeds.'
330
-00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:16,079
-How do you lose Bombay? I didn't
-lose it so much, I overshot. What?
+00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:03,640
+What's he doing?
331
-00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:19,559
-You can't miss it... it's enormous!
-I tried to do a clever ring road.
+00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:07,510
+He thinks he's bought some heroin.
332
-00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:21,759
-It's the biggest place
-we've ever been.
+00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:09,070
+I have. Has he?
333
-00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:26,159
-Why do you think the producer is
-making us go on the train to Jaipur?
+00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:13,910
+I have bought heroin. It's rice.
+It isn't rice. It is rice.
334
-00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,479
-I don't know.
-Why wouldn't he make us drive?
+00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:19,030
+Richard Hammond, trust me on this,
+on the streets of London,
335
-00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:32,359
-I was quite happy in my Rolls-Royce.
-I was... There's nothing...
+00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,600
+this has a value of £12 million.
336
-00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:36,079
-It's a slightly dangerous road,
-but... It's a bit unexpected.
+00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:29,590
+No, mate, on the shelves of Tesco,
+that has a value of about a fiver.
337
-00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:37,999
-I think I know why. Why?
+00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:32,600
+It's not rice!
+Are you going to cut it with peas?
338
-00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,519
-A-hem...
+00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:39,870
+'With the heroin loaded,
339
-00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,580
-Because HE doesn't want to drive.
-Oh, yes!
+00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:41,950
+'I found a heavy old tree stump
340
-00:20:41,581 --> 00:20:43,639
-The producer drives the Allegro.
+00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,800
+'and asked James
+to crane it on board as well.'
341
-00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,399
-He doesn't want to drive
-in the back-up car.
+00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:48,320
+He is so unbelievably happy.
342
-00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,279
-It overheats, so you have
-to have the heater on full.
+00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:56,510
+'With the sports lorry fully loaded,
+it was transformed.'
343
-00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,600
-Yeah.
-I wouldn't want to drive that. No.
+00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:58,510
+Oh, yeah!
344
-00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,880
-Having loaded our cars, we went
-to get our tickets. However...
+00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:04,360
+First bump, I shan't even feel it,
+because the ride is sublime.
345
-00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:08,519
-The queue goes all the way in there.
+00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:07,760
+The ride of a Rolls-Royce Phantom.
346
-00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:10,480
-I can't do queuing. Really? I can't.
+00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,120
+'However, on the hills,
+there was a bit of a downside.'
347
-00:21:10,481 --> 00:21:14,639
-Manual labour and queuing are the
-only two things in life I can't do.
+00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,790
+Hello, James and Richard?
348
-00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,879
-But I really physically can't.
-No, I can't either.
+00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:19,040
+What?
349
-00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:20,359
-I do this queue sweary thing.
+00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:22,750
+This is my new top speed.
350
-00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:24,639
-I can go for so long and then (BLEEP)
-it just happens. Did it happen then?
+00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:25,750
+Oh, God, I thought we were
+stuck behind a moped.
351
-00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:28,239
-I can't... Ha, ha haaa! It's happened
-again. Right, off you go, then.
+00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:27,790
+I couldn't see. Is this it?
352
-00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:30,999
-So you don't mind...
-because he doesn't like... Go.
+00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:29,590
+Yes.
353
-00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,400
-Are you sure you don't mind?
+00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:31,800
+You're a right dipstick.
354
-00:21:32,401 --> 00:21:35,839
-He doesn't like us, that's what's
-going on. You may have a point. Go.
+00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:34,600
+Yes.
355
-00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,119
-You absolutely...
-He doesn't mind queuing!
+00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:40,950
+'And because the road was so narrow,
+we couldn't get past him.'
356
-00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:41,039
-I do, but I'd rather queue than
-listen to you two bleating.
+00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:42,440
+Uh-oh!
357
-00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:44,239
-Arse! That was a gentle one,
-but it gets a lot worse.
+00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,560
+Steep gradient.
358
-00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,719
-I'll take him for a beer.
-I'll look after him.
+00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:49,960
+Foot hard down.
359
-00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:48,840
-Beer helps. That'll fix it.
+00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,270
+Dearie me, we're in trouble here.
360
-00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:00,400
-As James inched forward...
+00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:59,240
+This is ridiculous!
+We're hardly moving.
361
-00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:05,639
-I went shopping and then
-met up with Hammond for lunch.
+00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,390
+No, we've had it.
+You're going to have to back up.
362
-00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:09,320
-Would you like... chicken lung soup?
+00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:15,790
+I need a run-up for this bit. What?
+It won't go up this hill.
363
-00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:11,639
-No. No.
+00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:17,390
+You're going to have to back up.
364
-00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:13,999
-Little bit of lung?
-No. You won't even taste it?
+00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,270
+No, this hill has gone on
+for about a mile through hairpins.
365
-00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,999
-No, I'm really not hungry. I'm fine.
+00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:21,750
+I'm not reversing back down.
366
-00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,799
-Would you like me to give you
-the present I've bought you?
+00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:26,950
+James, could you explain
+the situation to him?
+I can't go forwards.
367
-00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,959
-Ooh, let me guess,
-is it something impractical,
+00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:28,670
+I can't back up either.
368
-00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:26,439
-a bit ridiculous
-and too big for the boot of a Mini?
+00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:31,910
+A, Hammond's in the way,
+and B, I can't be bothered.
369
-00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:29,759
-Always so ungrateful. Honestly!
+00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:35,200
+..There's round bends,
+this people on bikes. No.
370
-00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:34,080
-TANNOY: May I have your attention...
+00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:41,720
+Well, there's only one thing for it,
+then. I have to lose weight.
371
-00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:38,160
-Hammond!
+00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:45,840
+Oh, no.
372
-00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:45,879
-That's a double bass.
-You like double basses.
+00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,080
+No! Jeremy, that's not...
373
-00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:50,719
-I do like double basses very much.
-Is that for me, seriously? Yep.
+00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:04,800
+You are a complete child,
+a petulant child.
374
-00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,920
-Thank you very much.
-You're very kind.
+00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:12,710
+You wanted me
+to move out of your way.
375
-00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:05,719
-I've had an idea.
-You know when we get to Delhi? Yeah.
+00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:15,680
+I am now able
+to move out of your way.
376
-00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:09,959
-Why don't we have... cos this is what
-most trade missions would do...
+00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:26,390
+Look at this. Yes!
377
-00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:11,319
-a party?
+00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:30,960
+This lorry
+is now scampering up these hills.
378
-00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,959
-What, just, let's have a party?
-If you have a party,
+00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:41,150
+Right. Well...
379
-00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,540
-and invite the sort of
-great and the good,
+00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:43,800
+One, two...
380
-00:23:16,541 --> 00:23:19,119
-Indian commerce people,
-ambassadors...
+00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:54,430
+'Stopping to mend my tailgate
+allowed the others to catch up,
381
-00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:21,900
-Oh, like a sort of
-ambassadorial, Ferrero
+00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:57,920
+'and when they did,
+they weren't in the best of moods.'
382
-00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:24,680
-Rocher type thing? Exactly that.
+00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:04,720
+I've got a new handle for you on
+the CB. It's called Selfish BLEEP.
383
-00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,920
-Hello. Three adults
-for Jaipur, please.
+00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,550
+'And things didn't improve
+a few miles later
384
-00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:53,639
-Where would it be? Is it in a...?
-What's it in? In a garden.
+00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:12,520
+'when the hill route I'd selected
+went a bit wrong.'
385
-00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:58,239
-We could have a marquee. A garden
-party! That's very British.
+00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:20,390
+Your road is sort of not a road,
+is it? Let's be honest.
386
-00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,319
-Come on!
-This is actually a good idea.
+00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:21,750
+Clarkson, you are a...
387
-00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:04,239
-It needs a focus, we're going
-to have all British products
+00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,280
+It's not really a road here at all.
+We've got a ford.
388
-00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:07,439
-and our cars, and you walk around
-and look at them and stuff.
+00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:32,640
+Here we go, into the water.
389
-00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,560
-But it needs a... What?
-You need to...
+00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:40,480
+Lots of wheel spin, sliding badly.
390
-00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:16,359
-What, you think we get
-the Top Gear band back together?
+00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:45,320
+Oh, yes.
391
-00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:20,760
-What, so we entertain? I'm up for
-that, I reckon that'll work. Cheers!
+00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:50,350
+The sports lorry is clear,
+it's through.
392
-00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:28,759
-Many hours of queuing later,
-Eeyore joined us on the platform.
+00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:52,400
+It's time for the smug face.
393
-00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:32,799
-What's this? We're getting the Top
-Gear band back together! Yes, we are!
+00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:58,640
+'Mr Slowly went next...in his van.'
394
-00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:36,399
-Come on. Yeah, we are.
-Can you grab your keyboard?
+00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,640
+That's quite clunky.
395
-00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:37,959
-I'll explain on the train.
+00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:18,990
+It's... There's something stuck
+there, I can feel it.
396
-00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,359
-Thank you. Sorry. Sorry, everybody.
+00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:21,750
+We'll break the front axle off.
397
-00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:42,479
-This is a bass drum.
+00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,750
+'Hammond immediately rushed
+to May's aid.'
398
-00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:44,239
-Oooh!
+00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:26,280
+Ramming.
399
-00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:46,480
-Ooh, it's crowded!
+00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:29,040
+Stop!
400
-00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,680
-'A hot, 18-hour journey lay ahead.
+00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:32,710
+'James then tried
+to winch himself off
401
-00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:56,719
-'So, to cheer everyone up,
-we roped in our producer on vocals
+00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:35,280
+'using Hammond's truck
+as a ground anchor.'
402
-00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,520
-'and set to work,
-practising the song we'd be
+00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:40,920
+Ted Nugent and George Michael
+are helping one another out.
403
-00:24:59,521 --> 00:25:02,320
-performing at our
-ambassadorial reception.'
+00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:47,590
+'After this failed,
+I tried to tow him clear.'
404
-00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:07,119
-♪ Any time you feel the pain
+00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:50,360
+Three, two, one, now.
405
-00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:09,319
-♪ Hey, Jude, refrain
+00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:54,990
+'But that didn't work either.'
406
-00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:12,359
-♪ Don't carry the world
+00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:56,950
+Stop!
407
-00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:16,559
-♪ Upon your shoulder
+00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:01,160
+'He then decided to use his crane,
+which immediately broke.
408
-00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:21,560
-♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na
-Na-na-na-na-na-na
+00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:10,160
+'He really was stuck, so we were
+forced to take drastic action.'
409
-00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:28,039
-♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na... ♪
+00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,400
+Hammond and I have had
+a bit of a chat and we are...
410
-00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:31,359
-'The other passengers were reluctant
-to join in on the chorus,
+00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:17,910
+Well, we're leaving him.
411
-00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:33,399
-'but then Jeremy had a brainwave.'
+00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:22,750
+He has bought a van
+that has no traction at all,
412
-00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,759
-I tell you what's better, why don't
-we change the words? Naan!
+00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:24,910
+no ability to work off road
413
-00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:41,559
-Hey!
-# Naan-naan-naan-naan-na-na-naan
+00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:28,670
+and now no hydraulics
+so none of his tools work.
414
-00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:42,840
-'Which did the trick.'
+00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,510
+You've got to be ruthless
+in these circumstances.
415
-00:25:42,841 --> 00:25:45,479
-♪ Naan-naan-naan-naan
+00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:33,190
+With his crane, he was useful.
416
-00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:49,759
-♪ Naan-naan-naan-naan
-Hey, Jude
+00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,760
+Without it,
+he's just another mouth to feed.
417
-00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:51,039
-Everybody!
+00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:43,510
+'I settled in for another stint
+with the world's most
+cooperative gearbox.'
418
-00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:54,840
-♪ Naan-naan-naan-naan-na-na-naan
+00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,750
+Oh, bollocks, missed again.
419
-00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:08,319
-'The next morning,
-the song was perfected,
+00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,550
+Nothing there.
420
-00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:10,000
-'but we still had six hours to go.'
+00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:50,200
+Nothing there, there it is.
421
-00:26:10,001 --> 00:26:14,519
-'So we had a discussion about how the
-time could be used productively.'
+00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:55,800
+'I knew, on these twisting roads,
+life was even worse for Hammond.'
422
-00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:19,799
-You know this train is like
-a big billboard? Or could be.
+00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:02,590
+This is really annoying.
423
-00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,999
-How? Think,
-it's going right through India
+00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:05,520
+'Still, at least I was moving.'
424
-00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,759
-and there are no slogans at all
-on the outside.
+00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:11,070
+The situation report.
425
-00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:27,799
-And there are a billion people
-in India.
+00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,950
+I've been rescued by a very helpful
+local man with his truck.
426
-00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:31,759
-How can we benefit from that?
-If we got some banners,
+00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:15,630
+I still don't know his name.
427
-00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:35,559
-we can promote Britain
-as the train's going along.
+00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:17,190
+He's lent me this arc welder
428
-00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:38,999
-We can't use product names, because
-it's the BBC, but stuff like IT,
+00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:20,920
+to repair the shaft that drives
+the pump that makes the crane work.
429
-00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,959
-everybody I know works in IT.
-Literally everybody. Financial services.
+00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:27,430
+'With that done, my fellow
+knight of the road towed me
430
-00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,919
-Food. How could we do...?
-Everybody loves...
+00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:29,760
+'back to firmer ground.'
431
-00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:48,719
-Is HP sauce still...?
-Is it American? Roast beef?
+00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:32,960
+And then we're free.
432
-00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:52,079
-We're known for that.
-We can't promote beef.
+00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:38,480
+I must remember to say a thousand
+chei-zu-boos to this man.
433
-00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,959
-No, not here. No, you're right.
+00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:45,870
+'Miles ahead. in the advance party,
+we were really starting to climb.'
434
-00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:56,599
-You've got French fries,
+00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:48,070
+Oh-ho-ho!
435
-00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,599
-Belgian waffles.
+00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:50,200
+Wow!
436
-00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,279
-What about English crumpets?
+00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:54,160
+'The views were stunning.
437
-00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,520
-No, that's not very good, is it?
+00:32:56,400 --> 00:33:00,400
+'And at the top of the hill,
+we pulled over for a bit of a look.'
438
-00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:09,359
-'Eventually,
-we decided on our slogan.'
+00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:09,510
+You know we always say
+that Italy is God's race track,
439
-00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:12,999
-'So, at the next stop, Hammond
-went off to buy some materials.'
+00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:13,360
+Canada is his pantry,
+Germany is his workshop?
440
-00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,680
-TRAIN WHISTLE
-Hammond, run!
+00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:16,200
+That's his garden.
441
-00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:17,559
-HE LAUGHS
-I got it!
+00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:19,840
+Absolutely staggering.
442
-00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:20,479
-'And then we got painting.'
+00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:26,320
+'Captain Traction would have enjoyed
+this view very much, however...'
443
-00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:23,439
-OK. Right, James, unravel.
+00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:35,600
+Bollocks.
444
-00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:24,599
-Unravelling.
+00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:50,280
+The local bloke with a digger is
+giving me a little leg up there.
445
-00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:28,039
-It's like ticker-taping
-Times Square. That's quite good.
+00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:59,070
+It's great, isn't it? This must be
+Buddhism in action.
446
-00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,560
-We're like an enormous,
-weird typewriter.
+00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:01,310
+I might convert.
447
-00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:34,239
-'With the banner complete,
+00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:03,760
+From whatever I already am.
448
-00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,799
-'we had to hang it
-on the outside of the train.'
+00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:09,230
+'Very, very far ahead,
+Hammond and I finally found the road
449
-00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:38,879
-I'm going to open this door. Right.
+00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:12,280
+'we should have been on
+in the first place.'
450
-00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,079
-I'm going to feed the banner
-out of it,
+00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:26,000
+Put it in top gear.
451
-00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:44,599
-where the slipstream of the train
-will carry it to Hammond,
+00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:30,950
+There it is. Oh, yeah.
452
-00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:46,760
-who's waiting at the next door.
-Whoa!
+00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:32,840
+That sounds terrible.
453
-00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:49,880
-Here we go.
+00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:37,960
+It's like being back in Spain.
+Nothing on it.
454
-00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:54,399
-More!
+00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:43,990
+'Regrouped, we continued onwards.
455
-00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:56,320
-I need more!
+00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:49,400
+'Our destination, Burma's brand-new
+capital city, Naypyidaw.'
456
-00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:02,759
-Hammond!
+00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:03,270
+'Here, the producers had once again
+lined up a hovel for us to stay in.
457
-00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:04,759
-Try to do it when there are no posts!
+00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:06,750
+'But we were hot, filthy
+and worn out.
458
-00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:06,520
-Argh!
+00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:10,760
+'So we ignored them and headed
+for the best hotel in town.'
459
-00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:10,640
-Got it.
+00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:14,880
+A flushing lavatory.
460
-00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:17,280
-Got to get it higher. Bring
-it back in. No, just lift it up.
+00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:18,390
+Oh, rest my weary head.
461
-00:28:18,360 --> 00:28:20,840
-No, because it's already dragging...
-THUD
+00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:21,240
+Having first filled it with gin.
462
-00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:24,919
-When does it stop next?
+00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:25,880
+Oh, listen to that rain.
463
-00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,600
-THEY SCREAM
+00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:31,160
+It'll be like the shower
+or something. 30 seconds.
464
-00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:34,439
-'Hammond made some more banners
+00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:35,910
+'Our only problem was that two of us
465
-00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,399
-'and we decided
-our best chance of success
+00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:39,350
+'weren't exactly dressed
+for a place like this.'
466
-00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:41,160
-'was to hang them on the side of the
-train when it stopped at stations.'
+00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,470
+Let me do the talking.
467
-00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:45,719
-This has to be the most efficient
-thing we've ever done in our lives.
+00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:43,710
+Good evening, sir. Evening, sir.
468
-00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:48,639
-We've never done anything
-efficient. No, but we have to be.
+00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:46,390
+Three rooms, please.
469
-00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:50,399
-I know. Yes.
+00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:49,200
+Sorry, no more rooms, sir.
470
-00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:52,119
-Speed is everything.
+00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:54,320
+Fully booked.
471
-00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:55,319
-What we've done is enlisted
-the entire production team
+00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:01,640
+Sorry, sir.
472
-00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:58,879
-to help us hang the banner
-on the outside of the train now,
+00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,910
+'The next morning
+after another dreadful night,
473
-00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:01,239
-because it's stopped
-for 18 minutes.
+00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:19,630
+'we decided enough was enough and
+agreed we should modify our lorries
474
-00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:05,079
-Are we ready? Are we ready?
-Yes, yes, yes. Steady.
+00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:24,040
+'to make them more suitable
+for our travels through Burma.
475
-00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,960
-Go! Go, go, go! Hit it.
+00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:28,990
+'So we found a workshop,
+hired some local help,
476
-00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:21,920
-I think we've done well there.
+00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:31,590
+'toiled through the night,
477
-00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:28,199
-'With one banner in place,
-we were like a well-oiled machine
+00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:35,160
+'and the next morning
+the job was done.'
478
-00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,360
-'when we got to the next stop.'
+00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:40,870
+Every modification I have made
479
-00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:35,599
-Now THAT is marketing.
+00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:44,670
+is inspired by my desire
+not to run over any of the locals.
480
-00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:38,000
-And the result is all of
-these people here are
+00:36:44,720 --> 00:36:47,670
+So it has, for example,
+Buddha looking down,
481
-00:29:38,001 --> 00:29:40,399
-going to go home and
-want an English muffin.
+00:36:47,720 --> 00:36:50,590
+a lucky elephant, the lucky owl
+which is very important,
482
-00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:44,199
-You hear about these trade missions
-to far-flung places in the world,
+00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:51,870
+it has better mirrors,
483
-00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:48,239
-and you just know they're not doing
-this kind of thing.
+00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:55,030
+better lights and it is wearing
+a high visibility jacket.
484
-00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:51,359
-Prince Andrew is not hanging
-from a side of a train in Kuwait,
+00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:58,030
+Yes, as are you. What is
+the boiler in the back? That...
485
-00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:55,319
-saying, "Buy diggers.
-" He isn't doing that. TRAIN TOOTS
+00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:00,390
+Are you brewing beer?
+What? No, sadly.
486
-00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:59,240
-The signal. We've got to go, guys.
+00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:03,150
+It's the water tank
+for the brake cooling system.
487
-00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:06,560
-'Our mobile billboard for UK Plc
-was now complete.'
+00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:06,070
+What, like racing lorries have?
+Exactly like that.
488
-00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:13,799
-'However, at the next station, James
-insisted on doing some repairs.'
+00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:07,630
+It sprays. I've got a little switch.
489
-00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:18,759
-James, leave it. You haven't done it
-properly. Leave it. It on, it's on.
+00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:10,710
+It sprays water on the drums,
+makes them more efficient downhill.
490
-00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:22,559
-TRAIN TOOTS
-Whoa, my God!
+00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:13,830
+I didn't think of that.
+No. What's the box?
491
-00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:24,160
-Run! Run!
+00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:17,070
+Air conditioning. What's that got to
+do with safety? Keeps me alert.
492
-00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:26,640
-Quick, get on, get on.
+00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:19,390
+Does it? Yes.
+And keeps him alert as well.
493
-00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:30,719
-James, run. Pull the cord. Run!
+00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:21,280
+Because he'll want to break it. Yes.
494
-00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:34,159
-Pull the cord! Pull the cord!
+00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:24,080
+'Jeremy then showed us his work.'
495
-00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:37,040
-No, there's a...
+00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:35,270
+Why would you not have a convertible
+lorry. Cos it's raining. Look at it!
496
-00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:44,919
-Hammond. Yeah? To stop the train
-you pull the chain. Yeah.
+00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:38,070
+It's... It's quite good actually.
+Smashing. It's very good.
497
-00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,359
-But there's a fine of 1,000 rupees.
+00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:41,510
+Shelby striping.
+Sports badging on the side.
498
-00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:50,799
-That's about 13 quid. ã13. I mean...
+00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:43,070
+Living accommodation on the back.
499
-00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:52,839
-I haven't got that sort of money.
+00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:46,070
+This is fashioned from lead
+and rhodium. Is it?
500
-00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:55,440
-I'm not paying 13 quid. No, no, no.
+00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:49,160
+Yes, for extra weight
+to improve my ride. Come back.
501
-00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:03,039
-'Eventually,
-we arrived at our stop, Jaipur,
+00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:57,430
+Simple, crisp accommodation inside,
+Shelby bedding and ebony wood floor.
502
-00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:06,160
-'a town seemingly famous
-for its natural springs.'
+00:37:57,480 --> 00:38:00,520
+More weight. Come on!
+It looks brilliant.
503
-00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:10,940
-'We paused for a while
-to wish our banners
+00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:04,990
+'As, it must be said,
+did Hammond's.'
504
-00:31:10,941 --> 00:31:12,840
-well on their journey
-across India.'
+00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:08,350
+Hammond, you've got white walls!
+Oh, yeah, yeah!
505
-00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:17,559
-That is a proud moment.
-Isn't it? It is.
+00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:11,950
+The ugly duckling has become a swan.
+Wow! Yeah!
506
-00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,799
-I just wish James was here to see...
-Our message.
+00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:15,270
+Check out my stacks. Please don't
+tell me they're exhausts.
507
-00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:24,240
-Our message to the subcontinent.
+00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:16,950
+Yeah. Both sides.
508
-00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:32,600
-Oh, God.
+00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:19,870
+What, actually func...? They are.
+Yeah, there's a T-junction.
509
-00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:35,440
-Oh. It's going to Delhi.
+00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:23,910
+Hang on, you've made it even taller.
+I have. It's bigger, isn't it?
510
-00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:41,080
-What's it going to say
-on the other side?
+00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:27,270
+It's better. But, come round
+the back, this... Honestly.
511
-00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:52,039
-'To make matters worse,
+00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:29,910
+He did a little skip then.
+He's very excited. He did a skip.
512
-00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:54,999
-'it looked like Jeremy's
-dabbawalla delivery in Bombay
+00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:36,390
+I am very, very... What I have here,
+this is the bathroom area. Shower.
513
-00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:57,160
-'hadn't gone that well after all.'
+00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:41,110
+It's got a shower. Where's the water
+come from? Ha-ha! Ha-ha yourself.
514
-00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,559
-'Then, when we unloaded
-James's Rolls,
+00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:44,270
+There is, up the top, a reservoir.
+About so big.
515
-00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:03,639
-'we discovered we'd been betrayed.'
+00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:49,110
+On my viewing gallery. Hammond, it's
+a bucket. It's... It's a bucket.
516
-00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:07,320
-When you get in here,
-you're in for a nasty surprise.
+00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:51,030
+It's a remote reservoir.
517
-00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:10,799
-Er, feel that.
+00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:52,830
+And that is, right now,
518
-00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:13,359
-But there's cool air. Yes.
+00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:56,510
+collecting beautiful crisp, clean,
+fresh, invigorating rainwater.
519
-00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:15,639
-Yes, yes.
+00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,230
+This is the kitchen area with lino
+to reflect that. What's that?
520
-00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:17,559
-Devious...
+00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:00,590
+Over there is a wardrobe.
521
-00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:19,999
-He told us it was broken. Is it?
+00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:05,110
+There is a hammock with mosquito net
+built-in. Drinks globe on the right.
522
-00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:22,879
-Oh! The thing is, though,
+00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:07,270
+'And Hammond wasn't finished.'
523
-00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:27,159
-you know Gandhi?
-Er, yeah, was he a Rolls man? No.
+00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:10,910
+From up here, on a sunny evening,
+I can sit here as the sun goes down,
524
-00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:29,359
-Absolutely not.
+00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:13,990
+gaze at the stars and enjoy
+a drink from my drinks globe.
525
-00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:31,479
-Now, Gandhi argued
-there was too big a gulf
+00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:16,230
+Do you take visitors? Yeah.
526
-00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:35,119
-in India between the rich and
-the poor and it should be narrower.
+00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:19,190
+I think he's going to have to
+because something
+has just occurred to me.
527
-00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:40,359
-And I think if we disabled
-James's air conditioning,
+00:39:19,240 --> 00:39:21,950
+What? You haven't got
+any living accommodation.
528
-00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:43,239
-it would make him more equal to us.
+00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,670
+That's a very good point.
+You've forgotten it, you idiot!
529
-00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:46,719
-And that's good not just for us,
+00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:26,320
+No, I haven't.
530
-00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:50,440
-but also spiritually for him.
-Exactly.
+00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:30,990
+Well, you have.
+Are you sleeping in the cab?
531
-00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:55,840
-Gandhi would approve of what I'm
-doing now. This is a noble act. Oh.
+00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:34,390
+Because it's not going to be
+comparable. Let's... Let's see.
532
-00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:01,639
-Nothing to see here.
-Nothing to see here.
+00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:38,190
+'Before we set off,
+I gave the chaps some presents.'
533
-00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:03,679
-Beautiful British engineering.
+00:39:38,240 --> 00:39:41,750
+You bought us a teddy bear?
+No, that's for me. Is it?
534
-00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,119
-If we do it back up again,
-there's no evidence.
+00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:44,990
+Yeah, that's my bonnet ornament. Are
+you feeling lonely? It's your what?
535
-00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:10,199
-No, none. It's the perfect crime.
-It IS the perfect crime.
+00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:49,430
+Bonnet ornament for weight. It's
+the heaviest teddy bear in Burma.
536
-00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:11,879
-No tools...
+00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:52,200
+'I'd got Hammond
+a bonnet ornament too.'
537
-00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:14,960
-no murder weapon. No.
+00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:55,750
+Wow, that's beautiful.
538
-00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:18,759
-'Eventually, Judas arrived.'
+00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:58,430
+I know you don't have a clock
+so you'll have it on the bonnet,
539
-00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:21,199
-May! You've made it.
+00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:01,270
+you'll be able to tell the time.
+Oh, it really is...
540
-00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,959
-Well done. How did you miss it?
+00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:05,830
+It's a high-quality gift.
+Oh, fantastic! Thank you.
541
-00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:25,920
-What you couldn't see from the train
+00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:08,230
+I've always wanted
+a Shuanglin hammer.
542
-00:33:25,921 --> 00:33:29,199
-was the platform ended and there was
-a drop of 15ft. I did see that.
+00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:10,560
+It's from my own personal
+collection.
543
-00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,460
-I couldn't do anything.
-That's why I shouted, "Pull the cord.
+00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:19,080
+'Having christened my bear Rudyard,
+and attached him to
+the sports lorry, we set off.'
544
-00:33:31,461 --> 00:33:33,719
-" Why didn't you?
-There's a fine.
+00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:22,870
+Oh, this feels better already.
545
-00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,999
-13 quid. But the good news is,
+00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:24,760
+Oh, hang on.
546
-00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:40,919
-the cars have all arrived,
-amazingly, in one piece.
+00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:31,280
+Richard Hammond is doing
+a remake of The Poseidon Adventure.
547
-00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:43,839
-Is it nice to see them?
-I've also had a really good idea
+00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,870
+'We had many miles to cover
548
-00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:46,720
-for what we can do
-while we're in Jaipur.
+00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:40,360
+'but first we had to get through
+Naypyidaw's morning rush hour.'
549
-00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:52,020
-'My plan was to promote
-the British motorsport
+00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:48,550
+This rush hour traffic is
+not as bad as I thought.
550
-00:33:52,021 --> 00:33:54,679
-industry by staging a
-hill-climb event.'
+00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:53,200
+'The roads were completely empty.
+And massive.'
551
-00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:58,200
-'Which, of course,
-meant finding a hill.'
+00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:12,920
+One, two, three, four, five, six,
+seven, eight. Yep, 16 lanes now.
552
-00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:02,839
-Oh, yes!
+00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:18,790
+Wait, it's gone bigger.
553
-00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:06,680
-Nice little course,
-one kilometre. Perfect.
+00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:22,590
+Five, six, seven, eight,
+nine, ten. 20.
554
-00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:10,780
-And what we've done
-is invited some local
+00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:24,480
+It's 20 lanes now.
555
-00:34:10,781 --> 00:34:13,599
-Indians to bring whatever
-vehicles they have
+00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:30,360
+'This may look stupid and pointless,
+but actually it really isn't.'
556
-00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:15,480
-to see how fast
-they can get up the hill.
+00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:34,550
+The problem with most cities
+is that the growth comes
557
-00:34:15,481 --> 00:34:17,280
-It should be a good day's sport.
+00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:36,830
+and the city simply
+can't accommodate it.
558
-00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:20,780
-'But, of course, not only
-would the Indians get a
+00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:40,590
+That happened in London, Rome,
+Paris, Bangkok, everywhere.
559
-00:34:20,781 --> 00:34:23,279
-flavour of this traditional
-British motorsport,
+00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:42,520
+That is not going to happen here.
560
-00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:26,279
-'we'd have a chance to see
-what sort of vehicles are favoured
+00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:46,790
+I think this must be
+the first city built
561
-00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:28,400
-'by the Indian petrol head.'
+00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:49,760
+entirely in anticipation
+of the future.
562
-00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:31,719
-Go! Yeah! He's off.
+00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:55,480
+'But the future hasn't arrived yet.
563
-00:34:31,720 --> 00:34:34,640
-He's away! We're underway!
-We've done something.
+00:41:58,240 --> 00:42:02,200
+'So, for now, the whole place is
+almost completely deserted.
564
-00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:40,719
-What was that motorcycle?
-Because this is our leaderboard.
+00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:09,270
+'Even here, in the shadow
+of the parliament building,
565
-00:34:40,720 --> 00:34:43,479
-That was the Rajdoot 175.
+00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:14,270
+'we were able to have a game of
+football in the middle of the road.'
566
-00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:45,759
-'Moments later,
-we got out first time.'
+00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:15,560
+Officer.
567
-00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:48,760
-One minute, 20.6. Is that fast?
-We don't know.
+00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:22,830
+It's the Burmese police versus Top
+Gear. Oh, no. Rush hour, game over.
568
-00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,559
-'Next up was
-the Hindustan Ambassador,
+00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:24,910
+Look at it, traffic.
569
-00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:54,839
-'which began in life
-as a Morris Oxford
+00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:28,310
+Really though,
+it was too wet for football.
570
-00:34:54,840 --> 00:35:00,279
-'and is still being produced
-in Calcutta 63 years later.'
+00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:33,150
+So, much to Hammond's annoyance, we
+organised a city centre drag race.
571
-00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:01,959
-Go!
+00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:39,190
+This doesn't seem fair.
572
-00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:05,079
-Has he gone? He's still going.
-Whoa! Still going.
+00:42:39,240 --> 00:42:44,030
+I've got the same 6.4 litre Isuzu
+straight-six diesel as Jeremy's
573
-00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:07,039
-Whoa!
+00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:48,960
+and probably James's,
+but the lumber bus is bigger.
574
-00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:09,160
-That's the smell
-of Britain in the '50s.
+00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:53,880
+We're not going to cover ourselves
+in glory here, old girl.
575
-00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:13,319
-'When the Hindustan had finished,
+00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:05,680
+Disastrous start. There it is!
576
-00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:16,999
-'it was the turn of the Indian
-new boy, the Tata Nano,
+00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:12,080
+This is going to hurt,
+we're going to have to rev you hard.
577
-00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:19,559
-'which, at 1900 quid,
+00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:18,150
+Sports truck is gaining. Gaining.
578
-00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:22,239
-'is the cheapest car
-in the world right now.'
+00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:21,630
+Gaining. Gaining, gaining.
579
-00:35:22,240 --> 00:35:23,560
-Go!
+00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:22,840
+No!
580
-00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:26,000
-Less smoke.
+00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:29,480
+115km an hour.
581
-00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:32,439
-'It may only have a 600cc
-two-cylinder engine,
+00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:33,240
+Come on! Yes!
582
-00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:35,719
-'but that didn't stop it
-from putting on a good show.'
+00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:40,000
+Oh, victory is sweet.
583
-00:35:35,720 --> 00:35:39,479
-1.14.7. Oh, that's our first
-blistering time of the day.
+00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:45,190
+Second place.
+But I have got a crane.
584
-00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,599
-That is a quick car.
-It's blindingly quick.
+00:43:45,240 --> 00:43:46,880
+Must brake, must brake.
585
-00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:44,920
-You know what's going to happen?
+00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:51,640
+Oh, got a football under
+the brake pedal. That's bad.
586
-00:35:44,921 --> 00:35:47,239
-He'll think, "I'll go up that
-hill again next weekend."
+00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:55,040
+Hammond, have you finished yet?
587
-00:35:47,240 --> 00:35:52,359
-"I wonder if I can go a bit faster?
-If I get that British fuel pipe hose..."
+00:43:59,960 --> 00:44:01,680
+Still going.
588
-00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:56,679
-"I could improve..." And somebody in
-Britain who makes hoses... Gets a sale.
+00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:08,230
+'After Hammond had lumbered across
+the line, we headed out of Naypyidaw
589
-00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:58,439
-Gets a sale.
+00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:12,680
+'and soon we started to discover
+some flaws with our modifications.'
590
-00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:02,199
-'Next, it was the turn
-of India's most popular taxi,
+00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:19,640
+Oh, my... No...no, wait.
591
-00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:05,120
-'the superbly engineered tuk tuk.'
+00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:26,240
+I'm speaking to you now
+from underneath
+my businessman's umbrella.
592
-00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:08,360
-It's going backwards.
+00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:30,750
+It has taken the water
+about 15 minutes to fathom it out
593
-00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:15,920
-It's going, it's going,
-it's going, it's going.
+00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:34,360
+but it's in here now
+and it's in in great quantities.
594
-00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:21,200
-That's better.
-I've got cancer now(!)
+00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:39,560
+Oh, I can hear my exhaust
+hitting a tree.
595
-00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:25,599
-You know the Reliant Robin
-is not a stable vehicle,
+00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:47,030
+Hammond, you're doing the council
+out of a job, mate.
596
-00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:28,040
-as I have proved many times?
-THAT makes the
+00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:51,430
+It's like I'm driving through
+the aftermath of a hurricane.
597
-00:36:28,041 --> 00:36:30,480
-Reliant Robin look like
-a railway locomotive.
+00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:54,470
+Let's rename him Pruning Peacock.
598
-00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:34,439
-'As was demonstrated
-on the next bend.'
+00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:02,880
+'Soon, though,
+James was punished for mocking.'
599
-00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:35,600
-CRASH
+00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:07,550
+Captain Workmanship.
600
-00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:42,600
-'Despite this mishap,
-the locals kept on coming.'
+00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:10,600
+It's a radiator hose.
+It's not a bit I've touched.
601
-00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:48,240
-Well done, thank you taking part.
+00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:13,230
+Well, we have a tradition.
602
-00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:54,200
-Good luck. 'ln fact, our hill climb
-was so popular... '
+00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:17,030
+Oh, no, how am I going to
+do it without them(!)
603
-00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:58,079
-Go! Whoa.
+00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:20,390
+'Leaving James to deliver
+an interesting lecture...'
604
-00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:00,760
-'..that things soon got
-out of control.'
+00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:22,910
+If you're watching this
+from an engineering workshop
605
-00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:05,240
-CAR HORN TOOTS
+00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:26,550
+or technical college, this is not
+the correct tool for the job.
606
-00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:13,920
-'Eventually, the police arrived,
-but only so they could have a go.'
+00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:28,800
+'..we continued on our way.'
607
-00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:18,079
-It's a heck of a grid.
-I would watch this on TV. I would.
+00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:44,640
+I think a lot of the fumes
+are coming into the cab
+from under my new stack.
608
-00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:19,320
-More than Formula One.
+00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:50,640
+Not all of my improvements
+have turned out to be improvements.
609
-00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:24,879
-'With the leaderboard almost full,
-it was now our turn to set a time,
+00:45:56,760 --> 00:45:59,830
+The simple tradition of
+the British dustman,
610
-00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:28,879
-'but that gave us
-a bit of a diplomatic issue.'
+00:45:59,880 --> 00:46:02,830
+putting a teddy bear
+on the front of a lorry,
611
-00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:33,119
-We need to demonstrate that our cars
-are good. Yes. They're British.
+00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:05,280
+is bringing joy
+to the children of Burma.
612
-00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:35,639
-(WHISPERING) We don't want...
-Well, a little bit.
+00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:08,040
+They love Rudyard!
613
-00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:39,559
-A little bit of winning.
-No, no. No winning at all.
+00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:16,590
+'By mid-afternoon
+we were all reunited
614
-00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:42,279
-WHISPERING INDISTINCT
-We really can't.
+00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:20,840
+'and James took advantage
+of my mobile maintenance service.'
615
-00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:44,340
-A small win?
-We're hosting the event.
+00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:25,630
+This isn't perilous at all(!)
616
-00:37:44,341 --> 00:37:46,399
-You'd have to present
-the prize to yourself!
+00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:28,750
+Oh, it's about
+three or four inches.
617
-00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:50,839
-'Having made Jeremy promise he
-wouldn't win, I lined up the Mini.'
+00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:31,070
+Too far.
618
-00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:54,199
-Three, two, one!
+00:46:35,240 --> 00:46:38,910
+'Soon, the road started to climb,
+and as night fell,
619
-00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:55,839
-TYRES SCREECH
+00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:42,520
+'I turned on the roof lights
+that I'd fitted myself.'
620
-00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:59,000
-And we're off.
-This is what the Mini was born to do.
+00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:46,310
+Oh, yes!
621
-00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,359
-This thing won the Monte Carlo Rally
+00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:49,710
+MUSIC: "The Great Gig In The Sky"
+by Pink Floyd
622
-00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:04,580
-and watching one of these
-in classic touring
+00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:52,760
+I'm driving a Pink Floyd gig
+right now.
623
-00:38:04,581 --> 00:38:06,800
-car racing was utterly,
-utterly brilliant.
+00:46:59,960 --> 00:47:04,080
+I love this!
+The noise, the chaos, the heat...
624
-00:38:08,240 --> 00:38:11,399
-Every major racing driver
-of the period had one.
+00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:11,630
+I think I might have just lost
+one of my...
625
-00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,720
-Enzo Ferrari had THREE
-of these things!
+00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:14,320
+Yeah, I did. I lost a stack.
626
-00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:16,199
-HE LAUGHS
+00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:17,350
+I've got to carry on.
627
-00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:18,520
-I am upholding a legend here.
+00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:19,720
+I'm just going to pretend I didn't.
628
-00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:24,759
-Finish line in sight.
-Oh, I can't go too... I mustn't win.
+00:47:21,240 --> 00:47:27,270
+'Meanwhile, in the darkness,
+James was coming over all Buddhist.'
629
-00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:29,119
-Nobody can see. I'm going to give
-myself a ten-second penalty, because...
+00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:30,520
+Hang on, I've got a personal
+dog escort here.
630
-00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:32,759
-I don't want to... You know, I...
+00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:35,190
+Shift your ass, dog.
631
-00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:35,239
-Yeah, that'll do.
+00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:38,560
+Oh, God, give me strength!
632
-00:38:35,240 --> 00:38:37,279
-And across the line!
+00:47:41,720 --> 00:47:47,670
+I think that dog
+was inhabited by a benign spirit.
633
-00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:40,239
-'Hammond's diplomacy
-worked brilliantly.'
+00:47:47,720 --> 00:47:49,790
+Seriously -
+if that dog hadn't done that,
634
-00:38:40,240 --> 00:38:42,519
-'And now it was my turn.'
+00:47:49,840 --> 00:47:53,080
+I'd have gone onto the bridge
+and I'd have hit the bus.
635
-00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:43,839
-Begin.
+00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:59,990
+'Sadly, Buddhist dog wasn't around
+when five miles later,
636
-00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:47,079
-Still going by, still going by.
-Still going by. Oh, it's gone.
+00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:01,560
+'I had another breakdown.'
637
-00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:50,079
-A Rolls-Royce, of course,
-has no real motor-sport heritage,
+00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:06,990
+That's what came off. That's the
+old one, which tore itself to shreds
638
-00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:52,560
-apart from a rally the Shadow
-entered in the '60s.
+00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:10,910
+and in the process, pulled the wire
+out of the sender
639
-00:38:52,561 --> 00:38:56,039
-Didn't do very well
-and that commends it to me.
+00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:13,950
+for the temperature gauge,
+so I don't have that any more.
640
-00:38:56,040 --> 00:39:00,599
-HE MAKES CREAKING NOISES
-Big old lead. This is James.
+00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:15,360
+This lorry is crap.
641
-00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:03,040
-Yeah. The grill will just...
+00:48:18,240 --> 00:48:20,670
+'Up ahead, Richard and I
+were looking forward
642
-00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:10,039
-Remember, a Rolls-Royce is designed
-to stop you driving like a hooligan.
+00:48:20,720 --> 00:48:23,360
+'to a night in our new
+on-board accommodation.
643
-00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:12,080
-It sort of says,
-"Are you sure, sir?"
+00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:30,200
+'But thanks to the British Empire,
+we didn't need it.'
644
-00:39:13,240 --> 00:39:16,240
-Mid-race check. Everything's good.
-BUZZER SOUNDS
+00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:35,710
+'After a night here,
645
-00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:21,959
-We're both suffering with gut sweat.
-Yeah. It's interesting here,
+00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:40,270
+'4,000 feet up a mountain in a small
+village in the middle of Burma,
646
-00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:23,559
-you don't need your penis.
+00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:45,230
+'at this strangely odd
+but comfortable Bournemouth hotel,
647
-00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:27,599
-You drink and drink and drink and it
-just comes out of everywhere else.
+00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:47,560
+'we were feeling refreshed.
648
-00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:29,480
-This is not needed.
-Thank you, Dr
+00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:50,150
+'And with Hammond leading,
649
-00:39:29,481 --> 00:39:31,360
-Clarkson, that's an
-interesting theory(!)
+00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:53,640
+''we were out of the village
+in a mere couple of hours.'
650
-00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:34,120
-Here we are at the finish.
+00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:57,400
+Hang on - whoa, whoa, whoa,
+whoa, whoa.
651
-00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:41,679
-'James, too, posted
-a thoughtful and considerate time.'
+00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:00,670
+Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
652
-00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:45,199
-'Now, we could only hope
-the orang-utan would do the same.'
+00:49:00,720 --> 00:49:01,870
+Oh, God...
653
-00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:49,519
-Jeremy. What? You're starting off
-halfway across the line.
+00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:04,270
+Go slowly. OK?
654
-00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:53,959
-It's for fun! Why are you wearing
-a helmet? I don't know. My helmet?
+00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:06,510
+Oh, thank you.
655
-00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:57,439
-Because it wedges my head in,
-so I don't roll about.
+00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:08,910
+Keep going, hang on...
656
-00:39:57,440 --> 00:39:59,479
-What's that on the dash? Stopwatch.
+00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:12,510
+Are we going to spend the whole day
+tiptoeing under telephone wires?
657
-00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:02,519
-Why? We've got a stopwatch.
-No, I want to see what I'm doing.
+00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:15,320
+No, because you'll break down
+eventually.
658
-00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:06,519
-In three, two, one... go.
+00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:24,750
+OK, there's going to be
+a motorcyclist coming past you.
659
-00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:09,119
-TYRES SCREECH
-Yes, here we go!
+00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:26,400
+Check out his helmet.
660
-00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:11,999
-The Jag, of course,
-has a fine motor-sport pedigree.
+00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:30,240
+That's quite a strong statement.
661
-00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:16,759
-And you can feel that pedigree
-as I unleash it through the esses.
+00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:34,190
+'After a quick map check,
662
-00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:21,599
-He wants to finish about 1:16.
+00:49:34,240 --> 00:49:37,560
+'I decided we should take
+a tempting-looking short cut.'
663
-00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:25,759
-Between the Mini and the Rolls,
-because that what you'd expect.
+00:49:38,520 --> 00:49:40,680
+Right, follow me.
664
-00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:28,519
-Kiss the apex!
-Power it out of there.
+00:49:41,680 --> 00:49:43,720
+'Which went well.'
665
-00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:30,319
-Up the hill.
+00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:48,080
+Oh, dear God...
666
-00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:34,839
-The only problem I've got, really,
-is the gear box won't kick down.
+00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:54,590
+Any other adventures
+lined up on your short cut, Jeremy?
667
-00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:37,640
-That's because it's a ZF
-box, made by Germans.
+00:49:54,640 --> 00:49:56,680
+Landslides, or avalanche...?
668
-00:40:37,641 --> 00:40:40,439
-And I'm just telling
-you, if you're Indian,
+00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:06,280
+It's just a tropical mountain
+shower. Gone in a jiffy.
669
-00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:43,320
-"German" is a byword
-for shoddy quality.
+00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:10,640
+Or maybe not.
670
-00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:47,160
-He'll stop.
-He'll take a break before the top.
+00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:14,120
+No, this looks pretty terrible.
671
-00:40:47,161 --> 00:40:49,480
-I told him to pause and then...
+00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:22,990
+'Eventually, my scenic route
+brought us to a remote settlement -
672
-00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:53,680
-And there's the finishing line.
-Power!
+00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:25,400
+'that was very much...off the grid.'
673
-00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:57,039
-And so, in third place,
+00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:33,720
+Good thing is in this little town
+there'll be no low wires.
674
-00:40:57,040 --> 00:41:00,599
-the Maruti jeep driven by Nitish.
-Where are you? Well done. Well done.
+00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:38,280
+'Instead,
+there was something worse.'
675
-00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:03,799
-And, in second place,
-the Tata Nano, driven by Sorab.
+00:50:39,360 --> 00:50:41,230
+Oh, no!
676
-00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:07,159
-Well done, well done.
-Good man, well done.
+00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:43,600
+Oh, no. Oh, this is bad.
677
-00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:09,840
-So, the winner of the
-inaugural Top Gear
+00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:47,200
+I'm stuck, I'm stuck.
678
-00:41:09,841 --> 00:41:12,519
-All-India British
-Hill-speed Climb Event...
+00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:52,320
+Hang on, I'll park up
+and come back on foot. Stand by.
679
-00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:15,919
-is the Jaguar XJS driven by Jeremy...
-HE TAILS OFF
+00:50:53,560 --> 00:50:56,350
+'Bored with Hammond's
+chimney-related problems,
680
-00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:19,200
-Yes! There you go.
-Thank you very much. So...
+00:50:56,400 --> 00:50:57,910
+'I went on an explore.
681
-00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:23,879
-Oh, God...people of India.
+00:50:57,960 --> 00:51:02,440
+'And found some locals playing
+something that was nearly football.'
682
-00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:28,640
-'Thanks to Jeremy, the hill climb
-had not been a diplomatic success.'
+00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:10,280
+This is a brilliant idea.
+They're using a monk as a referee.
683
-00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:35,199
-'But then, Jaipur itself gave us
-an idea for making amends.'
+00:51:11,240 --> 00:51:13,240
+And he's smoking.
684
-00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:39,719
-'In 1876, the whole city was painted
-pink to celebrate a visit
+00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:31,070
+'Back at the bridge, the villagers
+had broken out their tool box.'
685
-00:41:39,720 --> 00:41:43,999
-'by the then Prince of Wales.'
-So we thought we'd reciprocate
+00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:33,070
+Really? If you're sure.
686
-00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:48,560
-'by splitting up and decorating
-our cars to celebrate India.'
+00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:34,230
+OK.
687
-00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:53,359
-Right. I'm going to focus my efforts
-on here.
+00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:35,910
+Move the entire sign.
688
-00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:55,559
-What I'm going to go for is a flag.
+00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:39,400
+I wouldn't be this helpful.
+We know that.
689
-00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:58,159
-I already have a Union Jack
-on the roof.
+00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:45,480
+'Meanwhile, I'd stumbled on a scene
+from an Indiana Jones movie.'
690
-00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:00,439
-If I put Indian flag on the bonnet,
+00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:55,520
+There's thousands of them!
691
-00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:05,039
-it's kind of the two brought together
-on one iconic symbol of Britishness.
+00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:13,720
+That's "Hurry up. It's heavy."
+Oh, right. OK...
692
-00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:09,160
-It's like a hands across the ocean,
-but it's hands across the windscreen.
+00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:16,350
+How we doing? James, I can't see.
693
-00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:16,160
-That is good, that is good.
-Nice. Look at that.
+00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:17,470
+Yeah...?
694
-00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:18,680
-Yee ha!
+00:52:17,520 --> 00:52:19,790
+OK! Yes. You through?
695
-00:42:19,720 --> 00:42:21,679
-It's good? Good?
+00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:22,040
+Yay!
696
-00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:24,040
-You like a flock wallpaper?
-BOYS: Yes, yes.
+00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:28,600
+'With the town behind us,
+progress was good.
697
-00:42:27,720 --> 00:42:29,940
-There's a design in the
-middle which is...
+00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:32,120
+'And then...it wasn't.'
698
-00:42:29,941 --> 00:42:32,160
-Oh, it'll be something
-like an eagley thing.
+00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:38,750
+My fuel gauge is...
+just on the top of the red.
699
-00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:39,159
-Eventually, I was done,
-so I went to join Jeremy.
+00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:41,280
+Um... I don't have one.
700
-00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:40,200
-DRUMS PLAY
+00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:44,870
+What I do have is the same engine
+as you
701
-00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:48,919
-Loving your shirt.
-Loving your boob tube.
+00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:48,160
+but a much heavier truck,
+so I must have used more.
702
-00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:53,439
-It's a crop top is what it is,
-and this is...?
+00:52:49,360 --> 00:52:51,230
+'And out here on my short cut,
703
-00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:55,319
-That's for Anglo-Indian relations.
+00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:54,240
+'there were no filling stations
+at all.'
704
-00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:59,839
-That's the British flag. Yeah, and
-the...? That is the Indian flag.
+00:52:56,360 --> 00:52:58,430
+The needle is now
705
-00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:01,720
-But the whole car is Ganesh themed.
+00:52:58,480 --> 00:53:00,790
+nearly all in the red.
706
-00:43:01,721 --> 00:43:04,639
-Ganesh being this elephant god?
-Yes.
+00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:03,710
+Trying to use the tiniest
+throttle movements,
707
-00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:07,079
-They have an expression,
-"We're doing a Ganesh",
+00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:06,280
+just to keep it ticking along.
708
-00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:09,400
-meaning making sure something
-starts auspiciously.
+00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:11,750
+'In the next village,
+James and I decided to pull over
709
-00:43:09,401 --> 00:43:11,719
-I've got more elephant
-themes inside.
+00:53:11,800 --> 00:53:13,200
+'and dip our tanks.'
710
-00:43:11,720 --> 00:43:13,479
-Have you gone mental? No.
+00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:17,430
+I've got no fuel. None?
711
-00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:16,800
-Oh, I'll just light my joss stick.
-Get a smell of this.
+00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:20,070
+A smear on the end of the stick.
712
-00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:21,479
-Now, you see, that's weed!
-No, it's not!
+00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:22,190
+What's the news?
713
-00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:23,079
-THEY LAUGH
+00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:24,710
+None. I mean, it's dry,
+I don't know what I'm running on.
714
-00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:26,599
-Well, I have to say...
-No, credit where credit's due.
+00:53:24,760 --> 00:53:26,230
+If you actually run a diesel out
715
-00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:28,839
-YOU don't deserve any.
+00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:29,910
+- you've got to bleed the system,
+haven't you? And it's hours.
+- Yeah.
716
-00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:31,799
-But wait until you see
-what I've done to the Jag.
+00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:33,870
+Well, look, why don't you just go
+and snout around the village
+and see if you can find some?
717
-00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:35,319
-First of all, the flock effect
-racing stripe. Like that.
+00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:35,750
+Why me?
+You're the youngest and fittest.
718
-00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:37,759
-But this is genius.
+00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:38,790
+Well, it's your fault we're in
+this situation. But I'm old and hot.
719
-00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:41,719
-At some point on this trip, Hammond's
-Bombay doors are going to break.
+00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:43,480
+It's your short cut. Seriously. If
+anybody's got to go, it's you, mate.
720
-00:43:41,720 --> 00:43:44,439
-We'll be stuck
-in the middle of nowhere
+00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:46,870
+Right, right, I'll go.
721
-00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:47,840
-and he is going to beg me
-for use of this.
+00:53:46,920 --> 00:53:50,190
+Fuel. Diesel.
+And as much as you can. Yes.
722
-00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:53,919
-What I've done in there... Well,
-I... No, it's like an ice bucket.
+00:53:50,240 --> 00:53:52,950
+What is Burmese for "diesel"?
723
-00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:55,800
-You fill it up with chemicals.
+00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:55,590
+How do you mime "diesel"?
+Mime a lorry.
724
-00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:01,639
-This is the best thing I've ever
-seen fitted to a car in India.
+00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:57,870
+Brrr... And then do that.
725
-00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:05,199
-Everybody who comes here
-gets the trots.
+00:53:57,920 --> 00:54:01,880
+Right, so I'm a butler with
+Parkinson's, and I've got a gun.
726
-00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:06,680
-Yeah. And you've got...
+00:54:03,560 --> 00:54:07,150
+'Jeremy headed off.
727
-00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:12,919
-No, it's very good. The thinking is
-terrific. I've also tuned my badge
+00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:10,470
+'And was gone for quite some time.'
728
-00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:15,639
-to match the temperatures
-I'm experiencing in the car.
+00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:12,120
+Still quite hot, that.
729
-00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:18,599
-It's an Aga. I've taken the "J",
-the "U" and the "R" out
+00:54:17,200 --> 00:54:20,870
+Done the oil. Have you? Are you
+reading Bridge On The River Kwai?
730
-00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:21,039
-and we're left with "Aga",
-which is what it is.
+00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:25,230
+Yeah, he's just gone into the hut...
+Bad news. What? Bad news. What?
731
-00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:23,999
-'At that moment,
-Rolf Harris arrived.'
+00:54:25,280 --> 00:54:27,920
+I haven't been able to get
+any diesel.
732
-00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:25,840
-What have you been doing?
+00:54:28,960 --> 00:54:33,040
+'However - I had come up
+with a clever alternative.'
733
-00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:31,519
-Craftsmanship takes time.
-Indian flag, Union Jack.
+00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:38,000
+No, you halfwit.
734
-00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:34,060
-You see? It's a symbol
-of British craftsmanship
+00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:42,270
+There's no diesel in this village.
735
-00:44:34,061 --> 00:44:36,599
-and ingenuity brought together.
-It's all there.
+00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:45,150
+But there is diesel
+in the next village.
736
-00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:41,359
-I'm pretty certain
-that's not an Indian flag. It is.
+00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:49,470
+So we use the horses
+to ride to the next village,
737
-00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:43,560
-There's a green, a white
-and a red-orange stripe.
+00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:51,550
+get the diesel, bring it back
+to the trucks.
738
-00:44:43,561 --> 00:44:45,759
-I didn't do the
-red-orange because...
+00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:54,870
+We're not in a Western.
+I can't ride a horse. What?
739
-00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:49,719
-I think that's in Indian one
-and the stripes go HORIZONTAL.
+00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:59,350
+Well, I might have been pony
+trekking when I was eight, but...
+Well, it'll be in there, won't it?
740
-00:44:49,720 --> 00:44:53,399
-You'd recognise a Union Jack
-if it was that way. HORIZONTAL.
+00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:03,280
+Well, I wouldn't use that one there.
+Holy moly!
741
-00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:56,559
-You're looking at it from this side.
-Hold on a minute.
+00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:09,470
+Why do they have five legs in Burma?
+Maybe so it can milk itself?
742
-00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:59,239
-You've got one there.
-It's a grapefruit in the middle.
+00:55:09,520 --> 00:55:14,950
+Shall we spend all day looking
+at a horse's willy, or shall we go?!
743
-00:44:59,240 --> 00:45:04,319
-It's segmented. Would you agree
-that what he's done is that flag?
+00:55:15,000 --> 00:55:16,150
+Oh, it's gone wrong...
744
-00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:09,640
-Yes, near enough. Would you like to
-know what country that is the flag of?
+00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:18,710
+'Being the most experienced horseman,
745
-00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:12,560
-THEY LAUGH
+00:55:18,760 --> 00:55:22,070
+'I took the frisky
+five-legged stallion.'
746
-00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:19,119
-Of all the countries YOU in
-particular could have selected,
+00:55:22,120 --> 00:55:23,680
+We're on.
747
-00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:22,759
-what you've done, Richard Hammond,
-is paint on your Mini
+00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:26,870
+Oh, Christ almighty!
748
-00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:26,039
-the flag of Mexico.
+00:55:26,920 --> 00:55:28,110
+Hello, horse.
749
-00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:28,560
-God, I haven't, have I? You have.
+00:55:28,160 --> 00:55:30,480
+I shall call you Tesco.
750
-00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:34,319
-Maybe you should put a piece
-of lemon in the fuel filler neck,
+00:55:33,760 --> 00:55:36,160
+Ready, steady, go.
751
-00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:37,920
-see if it makes it go better.
-THEY CONTINUE TO LAUGH
+00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:40,390
+Well, I've bought a stalled horse.
+It's going backwards.
752
-00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:43,159
-It was now time to head north
-to Delhi,
+00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:41,990
+I've bought a reversing horse.
753
-00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:46,719
-to host our important
-ambassadorial trade reception.
+00:55:42,040 --> 00:55:44,630
+I think if we get moving,
+yours might follow more readily.
754
-00:45:46,720 --> 00:45:52,439
-However, at that moment, James had
-something more pressing on his mind.
+00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:47,910
+James, can you turn right
+and go up there? Turn around.
755
-00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:56,799
-Hang on a minute. Hang on a minute.
-It's very hot in here and you two,
+00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:50,990
+How do you make it turn around?
+Anybody know how to start
+a Burmese horse?
756
-00:45:56,800 --> 00:46:00,919
-I left you two with my car yesterday
-when I was in the tuk tuk.
+00:55:51,040 --> 00:55:53,310
+Go on, follow your mate.
+Yes. Very good.
757
-00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:04,559
-Oh, dear. You've interfered
-with my air conditioning.
+00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:55,630
+The controls are reversed... I'm off!
758
-00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:07,479
-It's coming out red hot.
-'You took it off the train!
+00:55:55,680 --> 00:55:57,240
+Oh, yeah.
759
-00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:11,759
-'How can we mess with something that
-you told us was already broken?'
+00:55:59,160 --> 00:56:01,030
+Yeah!
760
-00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:14,639
-Yes, but it WAS working
-and now it isn't.
+00:56:01,080 --> 00:56:03,510
+MUSIC: Theme from "A Fistful
+Of Dollars" by Ennio Morricone
761
-00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:16,999
-Ha! 'You've been fiddling with it.'
+00:56:03,560 --> 00:56:07,750
+'Soon, James was getting a taste
+'of what the ride was like
+in my sports lorry.'
762
-00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:21,119
-So you're now saying it WAS working
-and now it isn't working?
+00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:10,310
+My nadgers are getting a pummelling.
763
-00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:24,679
-Yes, I was lying about it not
-working. It works perfectly well,
+00:56:10,360 --> 00:56:14,910
+Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...
764
-00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:27,919
-I was just keen for you two
-not to start messing around with it.
+00:56:14,960 --> 00:56:17,550
+Look at the anal action
+going on here.
765
-00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:29,639
-'Have you messed around with it?'
+00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:20,830
+My horse is going up
+your one's bottom.
766
-00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:32,839
-Well, in the spirit
-of new-found honesty, yes,
+00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:25,280
+Oh, Christ, we've had an accident.
+You go ahead.
767
-00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:35,439
-we ruined your air conditioning.
+00:56:26,440 --> 00:56:28,230
+I'm terrified!
768
-00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:38,079
-Well, what was the bloody point
-of that, you idiot?!
+00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:30,710
+My nads are killing me!
769
-00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:40,120
-Gandhi made us do it.
+00:56:30,760 --> 00:56:34,150
+Oh, stop that, please don't fight!
770
-00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:45,919
-What a pair of morons. That's all
-they can do, break something.
+00:56:34,200 --> 00:56:37,470
+Walk on. I'll stop calling you Tesco
+if you promise not to fight.
771
-00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:49,760
-They can't make anything or mend
-anything, just break stuff.
+00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:39,190
+Go!
772
-00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:52,640
-It's the ruin of Britain.
+00:56:39,240 --> 00:56:43,230
+Walk. There you go.
+Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...
773
-00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:58,839
-The journey to Delhi
-would give us our first taste
+00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:46,710
+Oh, God above!
+Not much further now, James.
774
-00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:00,959
-of life on provincial
-Indian highways.
+00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:49,710
+Jesus! I mean - Buddha!
775
-00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:04,600
-An experience which,
-we'd been told, would be terrifying.
+00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:52,110
+'A few hundred yards further on,
776
-00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:11,799
-Let me give you
-some alarming statistics.
+00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:56,470
+'Richard's stallion decided to get
+amorous with James's mare.'
777
-00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:15,279
-Throughout India,
-there are now 74 million vehicles,
+00:56:56,520 --> 00:56:58,920
+Ooh! BLEEP...
778
-00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:18,359
-roughly twice what we have
-in the UK.
+00:57:02,720 --> 00:57:04,680
+Oh! BLEEP...
779
-00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:22,079
-So you'd expect the death rate
-to be twice as high. It isn't.
+00:57:07,480 --> 00:57:09,670
+Has he gone?
780
-00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:26,239
-In Britain, around about 3,000 people
-a year are killed on the roads.
+00:57:09,720 --> 00:57:12,950
+What happened? It reared
+and mounted that. Don't get kicked.
781
-00:47:26,240 --> 00:47:30,599
-Last year in India, it was 196,000.
+00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:15,790
+'Things quickly went to pot.'
782
-00:47:30,600 --> 00:47:32,920
-That's 22 an hour.
+00:57:15,840 --> 00:57:19,710
+This is the doctor,
+going to attend to Richard
783
-00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:40,319
-This country has the most dangerous
-roads in the world.
+00:57:19,760 --> 00:57:21,710
+but the van is stuck.
784
-00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:41,840
-And they get worse at night.
+00:57:21,760 --> 00:57:24,910
+I've just dismounted
+my reversing horse,
785
-00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:44,999
-This was a problem for us,
+00:57:24,960 --> 00:57:30,230
+and actually genuinely
+have hurt my testes.
786
-00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:49,759
-because as night fell, our overnight
-hold was still 80 miles away.
+00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:34,600
+Oh! I can see why
+they should be glue, these things.
787
-00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:55,280
-And we were on the most dangerous
-kind of road... a dual carriageway.
+00:57:37,160 --> 00:57:40,190
+'Richard was diagnosed
+with a suspected broken wrist
788
-00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:01,319
-HORNS BLARE
+00:57:40,240 --> 00:57:44,710
+'and went on a four-hour journey
+to the nearest hospital.
789
-00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:05,240
-Jesus Christ, that car's going
-on the wrong side of the road.
+00:57:44,760 --> 00:57:48,830
+'So I walked my horse
+to the next village to get fuel,
790
-00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:09,160
-Unlit tractor up ahead, chaps.
+00:57:48,880 --> 00:57:51,480
+'and then, we found a spot
+to camp for the night.'
791
-00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:15,599
-That's completely unlit.
+00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:05,590
+'Here, while I enjoyed the view,
792
-00:48:15,600 --> 00:48:19,160
-An unlit wide-load in the dark
-on an unlit road.
+00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:08,430
+'James unveiled
+his sleeping accommodation.
793
-00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:24,800
-Oh, a man on the road. God!
+00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:12,480
+'A mountaineering tent
+he could suspend from his crane.'
794
-00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:29,120
-Oh, this is tight. Oh.
+00:58:13,600 --> 00:58:16,550
+So I'm going to rest it
+against the front of the cab.
795
-00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:32,159
-Oh.
+00:58:16,600 --> 00:58:19,360
+Cos all these bitey ants, they don't
+get in your tent and eat you.
796
-00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:33,480
-Oh, that was scary.
+00:58:20,920 --> 00:58:23,360
+'It may have been insect-proof...
797
-00:48:35,240 --> 00:48:37,359
-Bloody hell!
-HORN BLARE
+00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:28,910
+'..but soundproof? No.'
798
-00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:40,639
-You know in England, when a child
-is badly behaved, the mother says
+00:58:36,080 --> 00:58:39,190
+I want to go to bed.
799
-00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:43,559
-"Your father will be very cross
-with you when he gets home"?
+00:58:39,240 --> 00:58:43,110
+But I can't, with that racket
+going on. Listen to it.
800
-00:48:43,560 --> 00:48:46,999
-Here, it's different. It's, "Your
-father will be very cross with you"
+00:58:58,720 --> 00:59:02,280
+'The next morning
+I discovered that Hammond was back.'
801
-00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:48,200
-"IF he gets home."
+00:59:03,560 --> 00:59:04,790
+So that's just a sprain?
802
-00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:52,920
-Oh, God. Oh, God!
+00:59:04,840 --> 00:59:06,670
+Yep. Not bust. Nothing exciting.
803
-00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:57,760
-Jesus, look at that.
+00:59:06,720 --> 00:59:09,630
+So what is it you have to do,
+basically steering...?
804
-00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:02,840
-I mean, Ganesh, look at that.
+00:59:09,680 --> 00:59:11,790
+Yeah, be all right.
+You just have to...
805
-00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:08,120
-Blinded. Yep, can't see a thing.
+00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:14,310
+Yeah. Still do that. Right.
806
-00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:12,879
-That lorry's very close.
+00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:16,630
+And how was sleeping in your lorry?
807
-00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:14,679
-TYRES SCREECH
+00:59:16,680 --> 00:59:19,590
+Um, not bad. What about yours?
+Fine.
808
-00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:17,199
-BLEEP
+00:59:19,640 --> 00:59:22,310
+Where did James sleep in the end,
+what's he done?
809
-00:49:17,200 --> 00:49:19,760
-"Road narrows
-for no obvious reason."
+00:59:22,360 --> 00:59:27,670
+Oh, he's got some stupid high-tech
+mountaineering tent on his crane.
810
-00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:22,920
-Oh, strewth!
+00:59:27,720 --> 00:59:29,150
+Why is it up there?
811
-00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:27,119
-Two nerve-jangling hours later,
+00:59:31,120 --> 00:59:33,990
+Well... You know his snoring?
812
-00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:30,839
-we arrived at the town
-where we'd be staying the night.
+00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:35,150
+Yeah...
813
-00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:33,400
-And as we refuelled,
-I took my revenge.
+00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:38,800
+Quite loud. So I moved him
+a bit further away.
814
-00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:46,999
-Funny. Very funny.
+00:59:40,560 --> 00:59:42,710
+Jesus...
815
-00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:51,039
-Er, what James has done
-is turned my heater up to full,
+00:59:42,760 --> 00:59:44,590
+Clarkson!
816
-00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:56,759
-and then removed the heater knob
-so I can't turn it back down again.
+00:59:44,640 --> 00:59:47,350
+What? Funny.
817
-00:49:56,760 --> 00:50:00,080
-What a monumental bell-end he is.
+00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:50,230
+Very funny. Yes.
+I don't like heights,
818
-00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:08,520
-The next morning, the dual
-carriageway madness continued.
+00:59:50,280 --> 00:59:53,190
+I don't like camping...
+I don't like snoring.
819
-00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:13,280
-Only now, we could actually see
-what was going to kill us.
+00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:55,600
+Anyway, shall we get on?
820
-00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:17,160
-Oh, God, now look.
+00:59:57,240 --> 00:59:59,230
+'After Pinky and Perky
+had winched me down,
821
-00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:20,640
-Holy moly.
+00:59:59,280 --> 01:00:03,720
+'we set off on our seventh day
+of long-distance lorry driving.'
822
-00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:26,919
-The man here just got out of his
-lorry in the middle of the road.
+01:00:12,760 --> 01:00:16,320
+I'm still staggered that
+they put diesel in my truck.
823
-00:50:26,920 --> 00:50:28,680
-Whoa!
+01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:22,440
+I mean, that's a generous gesture.
+Assuming it IS diesel.
824
-00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:33,440
-HORNS BLARE
-Oh!
+01:00:28,960 --> 01:00:30,670
+Oh, no.
825
-00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:37,599
-I wonder how much else
-we missed last night.
+01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:35,160
+Hammond... What's happened?
+I've lost my other stack.
826
-00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:40,440
-What else was going on
-that we never saw?
+01:00:36,640 --> 01:00:41,080
+Well, as you know, we're not the
+US Marines, we leave a man behind.
827
-00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:47,039
-So the Allegro survived the night
-by the looks of things
+01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:47,870
+Yeah, too hot.
828
-00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:50,919
-and is still with us, with a very
-miserable-looking producer at the helm.
+01:00:47,920 --> 01:00:50,000
+Er, right...
829
-00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:53,279
-Serves him right for having no faith
+01:00:53,560 --> 01:00:56,350
+It's covered in ants...
+Oh, it's an ants' nest!
830
-00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:56,359
-in these magnificent British cars
-that we've chosen.
+01:00:56,400 --> 01:00:58,470
+That's a mistake. Ow!
831
-00:50:56,360 --> 00:51:00,919
-James, is your car giving
-the slightest indication
+01:00:58,520 --> 01:01:00,520
+Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
832
-00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:03,239
-it might go wrong?
+01:01:01,840 --> 01:01:03,830
+'This, then, looked like
+it was going to be
833
-00:51:03,240 --> 00:51:06,719
-No. Situation update.
-HE HONKS HORN
+01:01:03,880 --> 01:01:07,230
+'another day of calamities
+and mishaps.
834
-00:51:06,720 --> 00:51:09,519
-Oil level
-and coolant temperature good.
+01:01:07,280 --> 01:01:10,670
+'But actually, here,
+in this part of Burma,
835
-00:51:09,520 --> 00:51:11,879
-Everything working.
-Engine is as sweet as a nut.
+01:01:10,720 --> 01:01:12,960
+'we had to get properly serious.'
836
-00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:14,120
-My karma is very good.
+01:01:14,080 --> 01:01:19,360
+Today is a big day for us,
+because we are headed for the Shan.
837
-00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:19,039
-'And at the next fuel stop,
-his karma got even better,
+01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:22,910
+Top Gear's been to a lot of
+remote places over the years
838
-00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:23,440
-'as he turned his special
-revenge gun on Hammond.'
+01:01:22,960 --> 01:01:26,350
+but we've never been anywhere
+quite like this.
839
-00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:36,599
-James...
-The seat is stuck forwards, James.
+01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:30,230
+The Shan is to Burma
+what Scotland is to Britain,
840
-00:51:36,600 --> 00:51:39,279
-Have you missed
-with the seat in my car?
+01:01:30,280 --> 01:01:33,550
+it's a part of it,
+and yet it's separate.
841
-00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:40,520
-Might have done.
+01:01:33,600 --> 01:01:36,470
+We know there's been
+a civil war in there,
842
-00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:45,159
-Where have you put my knob?
-I've forgotten.
+01:01:36,520 --> 01:01:39,390
+we understand there's
+a cease-fire at the moment...
843
-00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:47,119
-It's so hot in there. Look.
+01:01:39,440 --> 01:01:42,870
+Only a handful of Westerners
+have ever been there,
844
-00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:50,920
-My tablecloth has leaked dye
-into my shirt.
+01:01:42,920 --> 01:01:47,470
+and certainly, no TV show
+has ever been allowed in.
845
-00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:57,439
-'Several hours later,
-we arrived in Delhi,
+01:01:47,520 --> 01:01:50,880
+We are the first...ever.
846
-00:51:57,440 --> 00:52:00,079
-'where I decided
-to have an accident.'
+01:01:58,960 --> 01:02:03,430
+All of the people who've been
+fighting are coming together tonight
847
-00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:02,839
-O... K!
+01:02:03,480 --> 01:02:05,440
+to welcome us
+here to the Shan State.
848
-00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:06,239
-'Sadly, there was no time
-to worry about this small crash,
+01:02:08,720 --> 01:02:10,600
+Who's got any whisky? Got any Scotch?
849
-00:52:06,240 --> 00:52:09,800
-'because that night, we were hosting
-our trade reception.'
+01:02:12,360 --> 01:02:16,400
+BLEEP second gear failed
+and now the engine has BLEEP.
850
-00:52:11,080 --> 00:52:14,359
-It's very obvious that this is
-the right place for our party.
+01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:21,560
+Hammond, you idiot! You've reversed
+into the sports lorry!
851
-00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:19,160
-Lots of rich, influential people
-behind these high walls and hedges.
+01:02:24,160 --> 01:02:27,910
+"Work on the bridge starts at 0500"?
+What?
852
-00:52:20,360 --> 00:52:21,600
-We will do well here.
-
-853
-00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:29,559
-After a quick freshen up, we arrived
-at the location for our party...
-
-854
-00:52:29,560 --> 00:52:33,439
-an exclusive house
-in the select embassy district.
-
-855
-00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:37,240
-Brilliant, look at this. It's good,
-isn't it? This is fantastic.
-
-856
-00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:41,719
-Our guests would be arriving
-in just a few hours,
-
-857
-00:52:41,720 --> 00:52:44,039
-so James started to build
-the catering tent,
-
-858
-00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:49,279
-I washed the cars and Hammond took
-charge of decorating the marquee.
-
-859
-00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:50,399
-Gather round.
-
-860
-00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:53,279
-What we need to do is make this
-the colours of the Union Jack,
-
-861
-00:52:53,280 --> 00:52:56,759
-British flag, so I brought some
-red, white and blue cloth with me
-
-862
-00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:58,799
-so we can decorate it.
-
-863
-00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:01,639
-So to your posts for now
-and I'll work out a plan.
-
-864
-00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:05,680
-If you each go
-and stand with one of these. Yes.
-
-865
-00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:11,480
-Anybody speak English?
-
-866
-00:53:14,600 --> 00:53:16,439
-Good.
-
-867
-00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:18,840
-ENGINE REVS
-
-868
-00:53:23,680 --> 00:53:25,719
-I'm getting them
-in a fan shape, James.
-
-869
-00:53:25,720 --> 00:53:28,559
-No, that's OK, like that, yeah.
-Keep going.
-
-870
-00:53:28,560 --> 00:53:30,000
-OK.
-
-871
-00:53:35,840 --> 00:53:37,959
-We'll have do untie it
-and start again.
-
-872
-00:53:37,960 --> 00:53:42,000
-This setback meant James would have
-to start his cooking al fresco.
-
-873
-00:53:43,560 --> 00:53:46,039
-Tonight's dish
-is a signature British dish,
-
-874
-00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:49,879
-but celebrates our relationship with
-India, particularly our love of spices.
-
-875
-00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:53,079
-It is, obviously,
-coronation chicken.
-
-876
-00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:55,559
-And the ingredients
-are chicken and coronation.
-
-877
-00:53:55,560 --> 00:53:59,759
-To make the coronation, you start
-with a bowl and some salad cream.
-
-878
-00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:03,479
-So you've got salad cream chicken,
-basically? And spices.
-
-879
-00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:06,879
-Why have you got digestive biscuits?
-It's going to be served on them.
-
-880
-00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:10,039
-That's the stupidest idea...
-Why don't you go and wash the cars?
-
-881
-00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:11,879
-I've washed them. You haven't.
-
-882
-00:54:11,880 --> 00:54:15,479
-I can see that it's still dirty and
-still says "penis" on the bonnet.
-
-883
-00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:18,159
-I squirted them with water.
-That's not good enough.
-
-884
-00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:20,999
-We're using Madras curry powder
-from the Midlands.
-
-885
-00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:22,719
-Sprinkle that on...
-
-886
-00:54:22,720 --> 00:54:25,439
-Salad cream and curry powder
-is what it is? Pretty much.
-
-887
-00:54:25,440 --> 00:54:26,640
-It's got sultanas...
-
-888
-00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:30,879
-Go and wash the cars.
-Go and wash the cars.
-
-889
-00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:34,000
-Now they're having a water fight.
-Gentlemen!
-
-890
-00:54:36,080 --> 00:54:39,839
-Once James had finished his recipe...
-Coronation chicken, madam?
-
-891
-00:54:39,840 --> 00:54:45,599
-He went into town to buy fireworks,
-leaving me alone with the orang-utan.
-
-892
-00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:48,959
-This is magnificently brilliant.
-
-893
-00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:53,799
-I think the guests are going
-to just adore having a go in this.
-
-894
-00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:56,640
-A bit of tweed action going on.
-THUD
-
-895
-00:54:58,160 --> 00:55:00,680
-Oh, no!
-
-896
-00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:04,279
-Oh, my God.
-
-897
-00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:08,719
-'Between us, we worked out
-that James was going to notice.'
-
-898
-00:55:08,720 --> 00:55:10,919
-Have you got any green paint? No.
-
-899
-00:55:10,920 --> 00:55:14,840
-Yes. Yes! You have? We've brought
-a load of Airfix models. Have we?
-
-900
-00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:20,000
-Spitfire green. Yes, here we go.
-We can have this fixed.
-
-901
-00:55:22,320 --> 00:55:26,440
-I don't think he's got enough
-of his instruments painted over.
-
-902
-00:55:28,240 --> 00:55:30,999
-JEREMY LAUGHS
-
-903
-00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:32,760
-That's much better.
-
-904
-00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:36,919
-A bit later on,
-James returned with his fireworks,
-
-905
-00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:39,640
-which, frankly,
-were not what I'd had in mind.
-
-906
-00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:44,159
-James, I know you live in 1956,
-but the world has moved on,
-
-907
-00:55:44,160 --> 00:55:46,199
-these are pathetic. They'll be good.
-
-908
-00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:49,159
-These are big as well.
-They're rubbish.
-
-909
-00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:51,719
-There's a limit to the size
-of fireworks you can have
-
-910
-00:55:51,720 --> 00:55:55,479
-in, let's be honest, the middle of the
-Government area, lots of embassies,
-
-911
-00:55:55,480 --> 00:55:58,439
-on a high state of alert
-because of the threat of terrorism.
-
-912
-00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:00,839
-You can't let off
-a millennium fireworks...
-
-913
-00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:02,599
-it's a garden fireworks display.
-
-914
-00:56:02,600 --> 00:56:05,919
-That's going to be like lighting
-a match. No, it isn't. It is.
-
-915
-00:56:05,920 --> 00:56:09,559
-'I decided to take matters in hand.'
-
-916
-00:56:09,560 --> 00:56:14,199
-OK, what you need to make
-a really big firework is, er...
-
-917
-00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:18,399
-a length of drainpipe,
-a cane, teaspoon, Sellotape,
-
-918
-00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:22,039
-sharp knife, saucer
-and a pair of pixellated hands,
-
-919
-00:56:22,040 --> 00:56:25,479
-so you at home
-can't see what I'm doing.
-
-920
-00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:27,999
-Right, you take, well, any firework.
-
-921
-00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:31,519
-Let's start
-with this relatively small one.
-
-922
-00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:33,839
-And you apply the sharp knife.
-
-923
-00:56:33,840 --> 00:56:36,719
-Now, being very careful
-not to hit the...
-
-924
-00:56:36,720 --> 00:56:38,640
-Let's not give that a name.
-
-925
-00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:42,959
-Our plan was to show
-our top business guests
-
-926
-00:56:42,960 --> 00:56:45,199
-some of Britain's finest products,
-
-927
-00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:48,559
-with each of us championing
-one particular thing.
-
-928
-00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:51,400
-James selected a superb lawnmower.
-
-929
-00:56:53,240 --> 00:56:54,999
-Oh, that is...
-
-930
-00:56:55,000 --> 00:56:58,559
-And as it winds itself up, it gets
-further in, that's brilliant.
-
-931
-00:56:58,560 --> 00:57:02,279
-You know what, that is actually...
-It's all right, isn't it?
-
-932
-00:57:02,280 --> 00:57:03,520
-That's a good display.
-
-933
-00:57:03,521 --> 00:57:07,439
-'I would be promoting something
-very close to my heart... '
-
-934
-00:57:07,440 --> 00:57:08,759
-Hair products.
-
-935
-00:57:08,760 --> 00:57:11,799
-It's a little-known fact
-that we in Britain
-
-936
-00:57:11,800 --> 00:57:15,439
-are extensive producers
-of a huge range of hair product.
-
-937
-00:57:15,440 --> 00:57:19,039
-Nicky Clarke, she's a well-known
-hairdresser, I think.
-
-938
-00:57:19,040 --> 00:57:22,119
-What I'm going to do is arrange
-a display, but more than that...
-
-939
-00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:25,919
-in keeping with the theme, which is
-kind of active, actually doing stuff,
-
-940
-00:57:25,920 --> 00:57:28,879
-I'm going to style myself
-and turn myself into a walking,
-
-941
-00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:30,319
-moving billboard.
-
-942
-00:57:30,320 --> 00:57:33,359
-You need to be able to remove,
-
-943
-00:57:33,360 --> 00:57:38,599
-from in here, all of the stuff that
-looks a bit like it could belong
-
-944
-00:57:38,600 --> 00:57:42,880
-in a fondue set,
-but isn't really the same.
-
-945
-00:58:00,960 --> 00:58:04,719
-By the time James had got
-his lawnmower under control,
-
-946
-00:58:04,720 --> 00:58:07,359
-Jeremy had completed
-his cruise missile.
-
-947
-00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:08,639
-Here we are.
-
-948
-00:58:08,640 --> 00:58:10,879
-The finished product.
-
-949
-00:58:10,880 --> 00:58:15,639
-My giant firework, with stick,
-with prong on the end,
-
-950
-00:58:15,640 --> 00:58:17,320
-ready to be launched.
-
-951
-00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:21,759
-With that done, I was free to break
-out the product I'd be promoting,
-
-952
-00:58:21,760 --> 00:58:25,799
-the Corby trouser press,
-which I believed could perform
-
-953
-00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:29,919
-a vital extra service
-for the Indian customer.
-
-954
-00:58:29,920 --> 00:58:32,319
-The Corby naan-press.
-There it is.
-
-955
-00:58:32,320 --> 00:58:34,000
-Is it hot? Ooh, ah!
-
-956
-00:58:36,440 --> 00:58:39,600
-Mmm. That is good. Mm.
-
-957
-00:58:41,160 --> 00:58:42,919
-With the preparations complete,
-
-958
-00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:47,720
-it was time to smarten ourselves up
-and greet our VIP guests.
-
-959
-00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:53,920
-How'd you do? Barley water, Tizer,
-English wine, coronation chicken.
-
-960
-00:58:55,080 --> 00:58:58,519
-You do the wine, I'll go around
-with coronation chicken.
-
-961
-00:58:58,520 --> 00:59:02,719
-'Meanwhile, Richard was in charge
-of valet parking.'
-
-962
-00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:03,800
-Hello, welcome.
-
-963
-00:59:03,801 --> 00:59:06,959
-Right, thank you. I'm going
-to put this somewhere prominent.
-
-964
-00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:08,400
-I love the paint, by the way.
-
-965
-00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:13,400
-Keys. Er... Oh, hello, that'll do.
-
-966
-00:59:17,480 --> 00:59:20,959
-It's powdered and you simply add
-water and you get mashed potato.
-
-967
-00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:25,359
-I think it's better
-than the real thing. Lovely.
-
-968
-00:59:25,360 --> 00:59:28,599
-Forgive me for interrupting,
-I brought your vegetarian option.
-
-969
-00:59:28,600 --> 00:59:31,879
-This is a sweet one... Angel Delight
-on a Digestive biscuit.
-
-970
-00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:34,560
-Hello. Hello, how are you?
-I'm very well, thank you.
-
-971
-00:59:35,440 --> 00:59:40,359
-This is gentleman's relish on
-a water biscuit and this is Marmite.
-
-972
-00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:41,800
-Right.
-
-973
-00:59:51,640 --> 00:59:55,239
-'As darkness fell,
-the guests continued to arrive.'
-
-974
-00:59:55,240 --> 00:59:57,959
-If you'd like to park up there,
-I'll do the proper park.
-
-975
-00:59:57,960 --> 01:00:01,239
-Yours is a temporary park.
-I'm doing the big, actual park.
-
-976
-01:00:01,240 --> 01:00:03,879
-It's my job.
-Move up, if you would, sir.
-
-977
-01:00:03,880 --> 01:00:06,879
-'With the party in full swing,
-
-978
-01:00:06,880 --> 01:00:09,559
-'it was time to demonstrate
-our British products.
-
-979
-01:00:09,560 --> 01:00:13,120
-'Sadly, though,
-the lawnmower wouldn't start.'
-
-980
-01:00:14,560 --> 01:00:15,639
-Bollocks.
-
-981
-01:00:15,640 --> 01:00:19,480
-And Jeremy's diplomacy was as bad
-as it had been at the hill-climb.
-
-982
-01:00:20,560 --> 01:00:23,439
-This is something I think
-you could sell well in India.
-
-983
-01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:27,080
-Most British two or three-star
-hotels have these.
-
-984
-01:00:28,360 --> 01:00:31,039
-Judging by the cars
-that were turning up,
-
-985
-01:00:31,040 --> 01:00:33,639
-it was clear Delhi's elite
-had come to the party.
-
-986
-01:00:33,640 --> 01:00:37,839
-But unfortunately for Richard,
-they'd all arrived at once.
-
-987
-01:00:37,840 --> 01:00:42,199
-I'm your valet park... Oh, just wait
-there, I'm going to park your car.
-
-988
-01:00:42,200 --> 01:00:43,320
-Just don't move.
-
-989
-01:00:45,760 --> 01:00:48,679
-Hold on. Nobody park.
-No, where are they going? Agh!
-
-990
-01:00:48,680 --> 01:00:51,479
-I have a proper
-British lawnmower at home,
-
-991
-01:00:51,480 --> 01:00:54,239
-an Atco twin-clutch,
-but I don't actually have a lawn,
-
-992
-01:00:54,240 --> 01:00:57,679
-but it's still something that's very
-pleasant to own, as an artefact,
-
-993
-01:00:57,680 --> 01:01:00,919
-as an example of fine engineering,
-with a great engineering...
-
-994
-01:01:00,920 --> 01:01:05,239
-'So, James was boring everyone
-to death,
-
-995
-01:01:05,240 --> 01:01:08,439
-'half the world's mosquitoes
-had arrived,
-
-996
-01:01:08,440 --> 01:01:10,479
-'my parking system
-was in disarray... '
-
-997
-01:01:10,480 --> 01:01:13,839
-Just one second. I just... Don't go.
-
-998
-01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:16,999
-'..and Jeremy was still being
-a diplomatic nightmare.'
-
-999
-01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:19,359
-I could arrive at your house,
-do my business,
-
-1000
-01:01:19,360 --> 01:01:23,080
-and then come and see you without
-doing it all over your kitchen floor.
-
-1001
-01:01:24,680 --> 01:01:28,799
-'Plainly, it was time to get
-the Top Gear band on stage.'
-
-1002
-01:01:28,800 --> 01:01:32,279
-OFF-KEY: # Don't carry the world
-
-1003
-01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:34,720
-♪ Across your shoulder
-
-1004
-01:01:36,240 --> 01:01:38,719
-♪ Na na na la-la
-
-1005
-01:01:38,720 --> 01:01:41,399
-♪ La la la
-And...
-
-1006
-01:01:41,400 --> 01:01:44,439
-♪ Na na-na
-
-1007
-01:01:44,440 --> 01:01:46,160
-♪ Na-na-na na
-
-1008
-01:01:47,680 --> 01:01:48,880
-♪ Na-na-na na
-
-1009
-01:01:49,920 --> 01:01:51,599
-♪ Hey, Jude
-
-1010
-01:01:51,600 --> 01:01:52,880
-MUSIC PETERS OUT
-
-1011
-01:01:52,881 --> 01:01:56,279
-For some reason,
-the crowd wasn't warming to us,
-
-1012
-01:01:56,280 --> 01:01:59,600
-so I decided to set off
-my firework.
-
-1013
-01:02:01,080 --> 01:02:02,399
-♪ Hey, Jude
-
-1014
-01:02:02,400 --> 01:02:03,799
-♪ Hey, Jude. ♪
-
-1015
-01:02:03,800 --> 01:02:05,239
-WHOOSHING
-
-1016
-01:02:05,240 --> 01:02:07,319
-EXPLOSION, GLASS SHATTERS
-
-1017
-01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:09,840
-ALARM SOUNDS
-
-1018
-01:02:10,720 --> 01:02:16,079
-Strangely, the guests took this
-massive explosion as a cue to leave,
-
-1019
-01:02:16,080 --> 01:02:18,360
-but that was harder
-than they thought.
-
-1020
-01:02:22,640 --> 01:02:25,320
-This one? It's not that one.
-
-1021
-01:02:30,400 --> 01:02:32,959
-The next morning,
-we had to face the fact
-
-1022
-01:02:32,960 --> 01:02:35,519
-that our party had been a disaster.
-
-1023
-01:02:35,520 --> 01:02:38,599
-But it had been even worse than that
-for Hammond.
-
-1024
-01:02:38,600 --> 01:02:42,479
-Just tell me what happened.
-A very tall, willowy Indian girl
-
-1025
-01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:46,239
-wanted her photograph taken with me,
-so she stood next to me.
-
-1026
-01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:49,559
-Yeah, yeah? And just as a man was
-about to take the picture on a phone,
-
-1027
-01:02:49,560 --> 01:02:52,159
-a small creature,
-an insect... a fly, perhaps...
-
-1028
-01:02:52,160 --> 01:02:54,719
-bit sharply into my right teste.
-
-1029
-01:02:54,720 --> 01:02:57,399
-Through your trousers?
-I imagine it went up the leg.
-
-1030
-01:02:57,400 --> 01:03:00,759
-Well, it's not a long journey.
-That's a long way, this is...
-
-1031
-01:03:00,760 --> 01:03:02,678
-Crawled all the way up
-to bite you...
-
-1032
-01:03:02,679 --> 01:03:05,160
-It chose that moment...
-"Yes, of course... agh!"
-
-1033
-01:03:05,161 --> 01:03:07,679
-I couldn't...
-That's flat out. Look at it.
-
-1034
-01:03:07,680 --> 01:03:09,319
-So it's...
-
-1035
-01:03:09,320 --> 01:03:12,399
-So he's got
-an out-of-control lawnmower,
-
-1036
-01:03:12,400 --> 01:03:14,879
-you have... A sore plum.
-..a sore plum.
-
-1037
-01:03:14,880 --> 01:03:18,799
-I think it's now time
-to leave the city, to leave Delhi,
-
-1038
-01:03:18,800 --> 01:03:21,880
-and get on
-with our countryside mission.
-
-1039
-01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:26,239
-We decided to head even further
-north, into the Himalayas,
-
-1040
-01:03:26,240 --> 01:03:30,559
-where our cars would be faced with
-rough roads and mountainous terrain.
-
-1041
-01:03:30,560 --> 01:03:34,839
-So, to prepare them for this,
-we found a workshop...
-
-1042
-01:03:34,840 --> 01:03:37,639
-and cue the music.
-
-1043
-01:03:37,640 --> 01:03:41,080
-MUSIC: Theme from "The A-Team"
-
-1044
-01:03:53,560 --> 01:03:55,400
-That's what I'm talking about.
-
-1045
-01:04:10,080 --> 01:04:12,640
-LOUD RASPING HUM
-
-1046
-01:04:14,280 --> 01:04:16,999
-OK, what I've done to the Jag is...
-
-1047
-01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:19,399
-is ruin it comprehensively.
-
-1048
-01:04:19,400 --> 01:04:21,920
-'I'd fitted much chunkier
-tyres, which had
-
-1049
-01:04:21,921 --> 01:04:24,439
-meant messing around
-with the suspension,
-
-1050
-01:04:24,440 --> 01:04:27,199
-'and this had had
-a dramatic effect.'
-
-1051
-01:04:27,200 --> 01:04:29,319
-The ride is now intolerable,
-
-1052
-01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:33,599
-the tyres are catching
-on the arches, as you can hear.
-
-1053
-01:04:33,600 --> 01:04:36,079
-The noise is simply unbearable,
-
-1054
-01:04:36,080 --> 01:04:39,759
-the braking is now very poor,
-the rev counter has broken,
-
-1055
-01:04:39,760 --> 01:04:41,799
-BUT on the upside, though,
-
-1056
-01:04:41,800 --> 01:04:44,599
-because the exhaust now
-goes straight out of the bonnet
-
-1057
-01:04:44,600 --> 01:04:48,399
-rather than under the car,
-I have much more ground clearance,
-
-1058
-01:04:48,400 --> 01:04:49,880
-about that much more.
-
-1059
-01:04:51,080 --> 01:04:54,400
-HUMMING
-Oh! Ho, ho, ho!
-
-1060
-01:04:55,880 --> 01:04:59,519
-James had also fiddled
-with his suspension
-
-1061
-01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:01,519
-to accommodate the chunkier rubber.
-
-1062
-01:05:01,520 --> 01:05:03,640
-And he too had made
-a complete mess of it.
-
-1063
-01:05:05,440 --> 01:05:07,240
-Oh, God!
-
-1064
-01:05:08,960 --> 01:05:11,519
-I've ruined everything.
-
-1065
-01:05:11,520 --> 01:05:15,160
-There's no point trying to say anything
-intelligent, it's just too noisy.
-
-1066
-01:05:22,160 --> 01:05:24,480
-That is quite a noise, isn't it?
-HE LAUGHS
-
-1067
-01:05:26,040 --> 01:05:28,079
-My car is fine,
-
-1068
-01:05:28,080 --> 01:05:32,519
-because I haven't modified
-or messed about with it.
-
-1069
-01:05:32,520 --> 01:05:35,599
-I put it on some new tyres...
-that's not modification,
-
-1070
-01:05:35,600 --> 01:05:39,359
-that's something you do. I put it
-on rally tyres, just in case.
-
-1071
-01:05:39,360 --> 01:05:42,719
-I have fitted a sump guard to protect
-the underside if it bottoms out,
-
-1072
-01:05:42,720 --> 01:05:44,439
-and the winch... that's not for me,
-
-1073
-01:05:44,440 --> 01:05:47,279
-that's to rescue those two idiots
-WHEN they get stuck,
-
-1074
-01:05:47,280 --> 01:05:48,800
-which they will. That's it.
-
-1075
-01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:56,080
-The overnight hold
-is 198 miles away.
-
-1076
-01:05:57,720 --> 01:05:59,600
-No!
-
-1077
-01:06:03,160 --> 01:06:07,239
-'James and I spent the next hour
-arguing about whose car was worse.'
-
-1078
-01:06:07,240 --> 01:06:09,599
-Can you not feel those rear tyres?
-
-1079
-01:06:09,600 --> 01:06:12,759
-'So, after a typically Indian
-fuel stop... '
-
-1080
-01:06:12,760 --> 01:06:14,639
-Argh!
-SNAKE HISSES
-
-1081
-01:06:14,640 --> 01:06:15,999
-No, don't be silly.
-
-1082
-01:06:16,000 --> 01:06:18,040
-'..we decided to swap.'
-
-1083
-01:06:21,080 --> 01:06:23,359
-What a shocking racket!
-
-1084
-01:06:23,360 --> 01:06:25,920
-LOUD THUMPING AND HUMMING
-
-1085
-01:06:31,760 --> 01:06:33,080
-Oh, my God!
-
-1086
-01:06:35,720 --> 01:06:37,479
-I've just tried to go above 50.
-
-1087
-01:06:37,480 --> 01:06:40,399
-Jeremy, you're on fire.
-
-1088
-01:06:40,400 --> 01:06:42,999
-There is smoke, isn't there,
-coming from the Rolls?
-
-1089
-01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:45,199
-No, it's coming off the tyre.
-
-1090
-01:06:45,200 --> 01:06:48,039
-Oh, James,
-you can have this back now.
-
-1091
-01:06:48,040 --> 01:06:49,680
-It's frightening.
-
-1092
-01:06:50,960 --> 01:06:52,679
-I'm really sorry, Mr Cameron.
-
-1093
-01:06:52,680 --> 01:06:57,080
-Thanks to those two,
-our trade mission is in tatters.
-
-1094
-01:06:58,920 --> 01:07:01,439
-Back in the Jag, I decided
-to use my new PA system
-
-1095
-01:07:01,440 --> 01:07:05,479
-to give Hammond some noises
-HE wouldn't enjoy.
-
-1096
-01:07:05,480 --> 01:07:09,839
-MUSIC: "I Know What I Like
-(ln Your Wardrobe)" by Genesis
-
-1097
-01:07:09,840 --> 01:07:13,359
-Oh... Genesis, Hammond,
-I know you like it.
-
-1098
-01:07:13,360 --> 01:07:15,440
-It's that song.
-
-1099
-01:07:21,720 --> 01:07:23,440
-Ah! I hate that bit.
-
-1100
-01:07:24,840 --> 01:07:26,720
-It's that bit!
-
-1101
-01:07:29,240 --> 01:07:31,839
-With my straight through exhaust,
-I've more power,
-
-1102
-01:07:31,840 --> 01:07:35,040
-so I don't think you can outrun
-my Genesis concept solution.
-
-1103
-01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:42,239
-'In the next town
-I stopped annoying Hammond
-
-1104
-01:07:42,240 --> 01:07:45,879
-'and used my PA system
-to fly the flag little bit.'
-
-1105
-01:07:45,880 --> 01:07:47,800
-MUSIC PLAYS
-
-1106
-01:07:50,000 --> 01:07:53,879
-Are you watching this, Mr Cameron?
-This is how you run a trade mission.
-
-1107
-01:07:53,880 --> 01:07:58,239
-People of India,
-call me trouser presses,
-
-1108
-01:07:58,240 --> 01:08:00,439
-curries,
-
-1109
-01:08:00,440 --> 01:08:02,959
-armour jackets,
-these are the things you need.
-
-1110
-01:08:02,960 --> 01:08:08,479
-As we ride into town in our convoy
-of excellent British cars...
-
-1111
-01:08:08,480 --> 01:08:09,839
-Whoa!
-
-1112
-01:08:09,840 --> 01:08:11,799
-HORNS BLARE
-
-1113
-01:08:11,800 --> 01:08:13,880
-Whoops-a-daisy.
-
-1114
-01:08:15,160 --> 01:08:17,119
-Oh, dear.
-
-1115
-01:08:17,120 --> 01:08:20,879
-It's taken the tyre off. Oh...
-We'll get it over there.
-
-1116
-01:08:20,880 --> 01:08:22,800
-You, come with us.
-
-1117
-01:08:33,760 --> 01:08:36,279
-You can't go...
-
-1118
-01:08:36,280 --> 01:08:41,639
-Where are you going? You can't
-just smash somebody's car up.
-
-1119
-01:08:41,640 --> 01:08:44,199
-We're on a very important
-mission to try
-
-1120
-01:08:44,200 --> 01:08:47,920
-and save our country
-from bankruptcy, and now look.
-
-1121
-01:08:48,960 --> 01:08:51,120
-Now he's just driving off!
-
-1122
-01:08:54,080 --> 01:08:56,760
-He's gone. He's just gone.
-
-1123
-01:08:59,760 --> 01:09:04,079
-'We were becoming bored with Jeremy
-crashing into the locals,
-
-1124
-01:09:04,080 --> 01:09:07,159
-'so we left him to it.'
-See you soon.
-
-1125
-01:09:07,160 --> 01:09:09,040
-Buy British whenever possible.
-
-1126
-01:09:12,480 --> 01:09:17,600
-Soon, though, we were reunited and
-in the foothills of the Himalayas.
-
-1127
-01:09:22,880 --> 01:09:25,000
-Nice drive, this.
-If I had proper wheels and
-
-1128
-01:09:25,001 --> 01:09:27,120
-tyres on the car, it
-would be even nicer.
-
-1129
-01:09:34,400 --> 01:09:38,320
-Oh, blinding majesty,
-natural beauty. It's all there.
-
-1130
-01:09:41,720 --> 01:09:43,079
-This is beautiful.
-
-1131
-01:09:43,080 --> 01:09:46,399
-'For the first time
-since we arrived in India,
-
-1132
-01:09:46,400 --> 01:09:48,759
-'there was a bit of peace and quiet.'
-
-1133
-01:09:48,760 --> 01:09:50,559
-BLOWING EXHAUST
-
-1134
-01:09:50,560 --> 01:09:51,960
-Oh!
-
-1135
-01:09:53,320 --> 01:09:54,960
-Clarkson, do bugger off.
-
-1136
-01:09:57,400 --> 01:10:01,760
-Monkey, monkey,
-monkey with MASSIVE testicles!
-
-1137
-01:10:03,520 --> 01:10:08,280
-'As night fell,
-we came across a village fete.'
-
-1138
-01:10:13,240 --> 01:10:17,959
-'Everyone was doing business,
-so I ramped up the PA.'
-
-1139
-01:10:17,960 --> 01:10:19,520
-MUSIC PLAYS
-
-1140
-01:10:20,880 --> 01:10:22,920
-The British are back... I mean here.
-
-1141
-01:10:24,360 --> 01:10:27,079
-'And we stopped
-to promote our themes.'
-
-1142
-01:10:27,080 --> 01:10:30,039
-And now, if I can demonstrate,
-with this piece of garland.
-
-1143
-01:10:30,040 --> 01:10:33,799
-Your lawn, grown too long.
-
-1144
-01:10:33,800 --> 01:10:36,079
-Engage the lawnmower.
-
-1145
-01:10:36,080 --> 01:10:39,879
-It is simply blown away. Like that.
-We'll work on that...
-
-1146
-01:10:39,880 --> 01:10:43,159
-'Nobody was very interested.
-
-1147
-01:10:43,160 --> 01:10:45,719
-'So, at the hotel that night,
-to cheer ourselves up,
-
-1148
-01:10:45,720 --> 01:10:49,040
-'Hammond and I decided
-to improve May's Rolls.'
-
-1149
-01:10:50,360 --> 01:10:52,999
-What are you doing?
-Thread that through his car.
-
-1150
-01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:55,639
-To the horn, in such a way...
-Go and find the horn.
-
-1151
-01:10:55,640 --> 01:10:58,839
-Through the back seat.
-Don't knock my beer over.
-
-1152
-01:10:58,840 --> 01:11:00,840
-I'm not going
-to knock your beer over!
-
-1153
-01:11:04,280 --> 01:11:07,960
-'The next morning
-we woke up in Switzerland.
-
-1154
-01:11:09,040 --> 01:11:13,840
-'Only this was taller and warmer
-and better in every way.
-
-1155
-01:11:15,320 --> 01:11:19,360
-'It was also more peaceful as I had
-fitted some silencers to my Jag.'
-
-1156
-01:11:23,080 --> 01:11:27,639
-On the upside, my new exhaust system
-is much quieter than before.
-
-1157
-01:11:27,640 --> 01:11:31,639
-On the downside, it's making
-a really annoying, jangling sound
-
-1158
-01:11:31,640 --> 01:11:33,640
-and I can't see where I'm going.
-
-1159
-01:11:34,880 --> 01:11:36,799
-Still, it could be worse.
-
-1160
-01:11:36,800 --> 01:11:38,919
-HORN BLARES
-
-1161
-01:11:38,920 --> 01:11:41,439
-HORN BLARES AGAIN
-
-1162
-01:11:41,440 --> 01:11:43,400
-Hammond? Yes!
-
-1163
-01:11:44,960 --> 01:11:48,399
-Can you hear a blowing noise?
-
-1164
-01:11:48,400 --> 01:11:50,319
-Oh, for God's sake!
-
-1165
-01:11:50,320 --> 01:11:53,400
-THEY LAUGH
-
-1166
-01:11:54,760 --> 01:11:56,639
-'What's the matter?'
-
-1167
-01:11:56,640 --> 01:11:58,820
-Well, I suspect you
-know, but I'll explain
-
-1168
-01:11:58,821 --> 01:12:01,000
-it to you anyway...
-braking sounds the horn.
-
-1169
-01:12:02,480 --> 01:12:05,359
-HORN BLARES REPEATEDLY
-
-1170
-01:12:05,360 --> 01:12:10,679
-They've given me an interesting
-game now... try to avoid braking.
-
-1171
-01:12:10,680 --> 01:12:12,320
-HORN BLARES
-
-1172
-01:12:14,680 --> 01:12:18,159
-'We continued onwards,
-determined to take our trade mission
-
-1173
-01:12:18,160 --> 01:12:20,360
-'into the heart of the Himalayas.
-
-1174
-01:12:21,720 --> 01:12:25,000
-'But the further north we went,
-the fewer people there were.'
-
-1175
-01:12:26,320 --> 01:12:27,520
-HORN BLARES
-
-1176
-01:12:28,960 --> 01:12:32,100
-'By mid-morning, the only
-business that had been done
-
-1177
-01:12:32,101 --> 01:12:35,239
-involved Richard, buying a
-traditional local hat.'
-
-1178
-01:12:35,240 --> 01:12:36,840
-Oh!
-
-1179
-01:12:39,600 --> 01:12:41,680
-'So, we kept on climbing.'
-
-1180
-01:12:43,680 --> 01:12:45,839
-This is the road to China.
-
-1181
-01:12:45,840 --> 01:12:47,959
-Tibet. Can I say Tibet?
-
-1182
-01:12:47,960 --> 01:12:52,719
-I'm not sure what the politically
-correct way of saying that is.
-
-1183
-01:12:52,720 --> 01:12:55,600
-Doubtless the BBC
-has some ancient way of saying it.
-
-1184
-01:12:59,280 --> 01:13:02,279
-We're at 12,000 feet.
-
-1185
-01:13:02,280 --> 01:13:03,960
-One hell of a drop on the right.
-
-1186
-01:13:05,920 --> 01:13:10,560
-It's OK because there's a big row
-of pebbles to stop me going over.
-
-1187
-01:13:14,680 --> 01:13:19,120
-On the plus side, though, at this
-height, the views were staggering.
-
-1188
-01:13:20,880 --> 01:13:22,319
-Oh, oh!
-
-1189
-01:13:22,320 --> 01:13:24,920
-This is... something else.
-
-1190
-01:13:28,680 --> 01:13:31,039
-That stays with you for ever.
-
-1191
-01:13:31,040 --> 01:13:33,320
-Utterly beautiful.
-
-1192
-01:13:34,800 --> 01:13:37,799
-I know just the song
-that will match the moment.
-
-1193
-01:13:37,800 --> 01:13:39,759
-No, it won't.
-
-1194
-01:13:39,760 --> 01:13:44,439
-MUSIC: "I Know What I Like
-(ln Your Wardrobe)" by Genesis
-
-1195
-01:13:44,440 --> 01:13:46,360
-Oh, God!
-
-1196
-01:13:48,240 --> 01:13:52,439
-'The magnificence of our
-surroundings was all well and good,
-
-1197
-01:13:52,440 --> 01:13:56,239
-'but the views weren't translating
-into business for Britain.'
-
-1198
-01:13:56,240 --> 01:14:00,799
-This has a last frontier feel
-to it, this does. I hope it isn't.
-
-1199
-01:14:00,800 --> 01:14:04,519
-Not much call for trouser presses
-or lawnmowers here,
-
-1200
-01:14:04,520 --> 01:14:06,480
-or hair products, if we're honest.
-
-1201
-01:14:08,880 --> 01:14:13,440
-'Then, to make our lives even more
-difficult, the Tarmac stopped.'
-
-1202
-01:14:18,280 --> 01:14:21,160
-Hammond, problems for you here...
-it's off...road.
-
-1203
-01:14:22,600 --> 01:14:25,800
-'But Richard, besotted with
-his Mini, would hear none of it.'
-
-1204
-01:14:28,040 --> 01:14:31,199
-I'll just keep going
-until Everest comes into view
-
-1205
-01:14:31,200 --> 01:14:32,760
-and then deal with that.
-
-1206
-01:14:33,920 --> 01:14:36,119
-Oh, that's bouncing.
-
-1207
-01:14:36,120 --> 01:14:38,520
-It hops from bump to bump!
-HE GIGGLES
-
-1208
-01:14:48,960 --> 01:14:52,759
-This is actually quite unpleasant.
-
-1209
-01:14:52,760 --> 01:14:54,679
-But we must soldier on...
-
-1210
-01:14:54,680 --> 01:14:56,400
-for our country.
-
-1211
-01:15:00,160 --> 01:15:02,519
-The problem is that mud
-and rock slides
-
-1212
-01:15:02,520 --> 01:15:04,879
-take this road away
-every few months.
-
-1213
-01:15:04,880 --> 01:15:12,039
-Look, just a massive rock slide
-there has ruined the road.
-
-1214
-01:15:12,040 --> 01:15:14,839
-'The locals use dynamite
-to clear away the debris.'
-
-1215
-01:15:14,840 --> 01:15:16,680
-EXPLOSION
-
-1216
-01:15:21,320 --> 01:15:26,680
-'It's a losing battle and pretty
-soon the road ahead was blocked.'
-
-1217
-01:15:30,080 --> 01:15:34,879
-'Thanking our lucky stars, we'd
-had the sense to modify our cars,
-
-1218
-01:15:34,880 --> 01:15:38,239
-'we decided to bypass the blockage
-by using a steep cut-through.
-
-1219
-01:15:38,240 --> 01:15:42,680
-'Hammond elected to go first
-in his beloved Mini.'
-
-1220
-01:15:44,080 --> 01:15:45,559
-Wind that baby up.
-
-1221
-01:15:45,560 --> 01:15:47,520
-Come on, little Mini.
-
-1222
-01:15:49,360 --> 01:15:51,440
-Go on! There you go. Yeah!
-
-1223
-01:15:55,920 --> 01:15:58,000
-'Next, it was the turn of the Jag.'
-
-1224
-01:16:01,840 --> 01:16:04,360
-Oh, come on, you can do this!
-
-1225
-01:16:05,640 --> 01:16:08,279
-Go, go, go!
-
-1226
-01:16:08,280 --> 01:16:11,159
-You brilliant car!
-
-1227
-01:16:11,160 --> 01:16:14,399
-'Finally,
-it was George Harrison's go.'
-
-1228
-01:16:14,400 --> 01:16:18,479
-Lord Ganesh,
-make my climb auspicious.
-
-1229
-01:16:18,480 --> 01:16:19,800
-Here we go.
-
-1230
-01:16:33,160 --> 01:16:36,120
-Oh, no! So close!
-
-1231
-01:16:37,680 --> 01:16:40,320
-It looked very good for a moment.
-It DID look very good.
-
-1232
-01:16:41,880 --> 01:16:44,159
-How much does that weigh, James?
-
-1233
-01:16:44,160 --> 01:16:46,519
-2.2 tonnes.
-
-1234
-01:16:46,520 --> 01:16:48,599
-2.2 tonnes of Rolls-Royce.
-
-1235
-01:16:48,600 --> 01:16:51,119
-Off-roading.
-
-1236
-01:16:51,120 --> 01:16:54,879
-Now, rock it out.
-ENGINE REVS
-
-1237
-01:16:54,880 --> 01:16:57,559
-Mind your feet.
-This always goes well
-
-1238
-01:16:57,560 --> 01:17:00,159
-when Top Gear are filming
-situations like this.
-
-1239
-01:17:00,160 --> 01:17:02,879
-Here we go. Go!
-ENGINE REVS
-
-1240
-01:17:02,880 --> 01:17:05,639
-'The Rolls wasn't going anywhere.
-
-1241
-01:17:05,640 --> 01:17:08,160
-'So we decided to engage
-Hammond's winch.'
-
-1242
-01:17:09,200 --> 01:17:10,879
-You're all right.
-
-1243
-01:17:10,880 --> 01:17:14,159
-'To prevent the little Mini being
-winched into the Rolls-Royce,
-
-1244
-01:17:14,160 --> 01:17:15,600
-'we anchored it to my Jag.'
-
-1245
-01:17:15,601 --> 01:17:19,519
-I don't know what this weighs,
-I guess 1.8 tonnes.
-
-1246
-01:17:19,520 --> 01:17:23,959
-Hammond's Mini
-takes it up to 2.4 tonnes.
-
-1247
-01:17:23,960 --> 01:17:28,240
-Why do I always have to do
-manual labour at high altitude?
-
-1248
-01:17:30,360 --> 01:17:32,719
-We really should chock it.
-
-1249
-01:17:32,720 --> 01:17:34,919
-WINCH MOTOR STARTS
-
-1250
-01:17:34,920 --> 01:17:36,879
-Stop. Stop.
-
-1251
-01:17:36,880 --> 01:17:39,020
-You're going to run your car,
-presumably, be ready to move.
-
-1252
-01:17:39,021 --> 01:17:41,160
-Yeah, I'll give it the beans.
-
-1253
-01:17:42,840 --> 01:17:46,479
-Right! Jeremy, give it 1,500 rpm.
-
-1254
-01:17:46,480 --> 01:17:47,520
-Yes!
-
-1255
-01:17:49,240 --> 01:17:52,719
-They've given me a very easy job here
-Keep the revs up, which I have.
-
-1256
-01:17:52,720 --> 01:17:56,159
-Just taking the slack. Are we ready?!
-
-1257
-01:17:56,160 --> 01:17:59,279
-Let's get it moved! Here we go now!
-
-1258
-01:17:59,280 --> 01:18:03,559
-Say when. I'm winching it in, taking
-it up now, you should feel the pull.
-
-1259
-01:18:03,560 --> 01:18:06,760
-Oh, yes, it's going. Here we go.
-
-1260
-01:18:11,120 --> 01:18:12,400
-JAG REVS
-
-1261
-01:18:15,320 --> 01:18:18,879
-Just give it some more revs.
-Here we go. Give it some more revs.
-
-1262
-01:18:18,880 --> 01:18:21,199
-You're not even spinning.
-
-1263
-01:18:21,200 --> 01:18:25,079
-I don't understand winching, but
-I don't think that is part of it.
-
-1264
-01:18:25,080 --> 01:18:27,319
-It's not moving at all!
-
-1265
-01:18:27,320 --> 01:18:29,959
-Oh, hang on a minute. What?
-
-1266
-01:18:29,960 --> 01:18:31,920
-No, just give it some more revs!
-No, stop!
-
-1267
-01:18:31,921 --> 01:18:33,759
-James, you're not even trying!
-
-1268
-01:18:33,760 --> 01:18:36,040
-You're not looking, Hammond.
-You're not...
-
-1269
-01:19:00,840 --> 01:19:02,239
-James?
-
-1270
-01:19:02,240 --> 01:19:03,959
-Hello.
-
-1271
-01:19:03,960 --> 01:19:06,840
-Can you think of any way
-that we can cheer Hammond up?
-
-1272
-01:19:08,040 --> 01:19:10,599
-Well, Genesis springs to mind.
-
-1273
-01:19:10,600 --> 01:19:12,959
-I'm thinking the same thing.
-
-1274
-01:19:12,960 --> 01:19:17,720
-MUSIC: "I Know What I Like"
-by Genesis
-
-1275
-01:19:21,520 --> 01:19:24,719
-Hammond, you know in the circus,
-they have those clown cars
-
-1276
-01:19:24,720 --> 01:19:27,159
-where various bits
-fall off as they go along?
-
-1277
-01:19:27,160 --> 01:19:29,680
-JEREMY LAUGHS
-
-1278
-01:19:31,880 --> 01:19:33,240
-I'm not replying.
-
-1279
-01:19:37,160 --> 01:19:41,760
-In fact, it was quite a while
-before we heard from Hammond again.
-
-1280
-01:19:43,680 --> 01:19:47,479
-Guys, how far away is the hotel?
-How many hours?
-
-1281
-01:19:47,480 --> 01:19:50,159
-'Er... about two hours.'
-
-1282
-01:19:50,160 --> 01:19:53,039
-It's getting dark already.
-
-1283
-01:19:53,040 --> 01:19:55,279
-'It does that.
-
-1284
-01:19:55,280 --> 01:19:58,119
-'Does that nearly everywhere.'
-Yeah, well, at the risk
-
-1285
-01:19:58,120 --> 01:20:01,999
-of stirring up a lot of laughter,
-I haven't got any headlights.
-
-1286
-01:20:02,000 --> 01:20:05,119
-THEY LAUGH
-
-1287
-01:20:05,120 --> 01:20:07,559
-'What happened to them?
-
-1288
-01:20:07,560 --> 01:20:09,560
-'Has the fuse blown?'
-
-1289
-01:20:11,080 --> 01:20:15,399
-I have a suggestion. A way
-we could stick together and stop.
-
-1290
-01:20:15,400 --> 01:20:17,359
-'What suggestion?'
-
-1291
-01:20:17,360 --> 01:20:21,399
-What if we just stopped and camped?
-
-1292
-01:20:21,400 --> 01:20:23,799
-'Tenting?! Here?
-
-1293
-01:20:23,800 --> 01:20:26,519
-'At minus 50?!'
-
-1294
-01:20:26,520 --> 01:20:29,519
-Oh, for God's sake!
-It's going dark.
-
-1295
-01:20:29,520 --> 01:20:35,040
-Very soon, I won't be able to see
-at all. Hammond, we're not camping!
-
-1296
-01:20:39,720 --> 01:20:41,160
-Sorry.
-
-1297
-01:20:44,280 --> 01:20:46,639
-It's nice to... It...!
-
-1298
-01:20:46,640 --> 01:20:47,920
-Kill me.
-
-1299
-01:20:48,920 --> 01:20:50,599
-All right. I wish I was dead.
-
-1300
-01:20:50,600 --> 01:20:52,359
-Hammond...
-
-1301
-01:20:52,360 --> 01:20:54,239
-thanks to you...
-
-1302
-01:20:54,240 --> 01:20:56,919
-and mounting your winch
-to your front wings,
-
-1303
-01:20:56,920 --> 01:21:00,839
-like an imbecile, we're forced
-to live like mediaeval peasants.
-
-1304
-01:21:00,840 --> 01:21:03,879
-Why can't we ever do
-a Christmas special one year where
-
-1305
-01:21:03,880 --> 01:21:06,479
-we go from Monaco to Portofino?!
-
-1306
-01:21:06,480 --> 01:21:08,279
-How luxurious can this be?!
-
-1307
-01:21:08,280 --> 01:21:10,300
-I was the first to check
-in to a five-star hotel.
-
-1308
-01:21:10,301 --> 01:21:12,319
-As you can see, I've
-done it properly.
-
-1309
-01:21:12,320 --> 01:21:16,159
-A man's carrying all my bags. Yes.
-But then Jeremy arrived. Yes.
-
-1310
-01:21:16,160 --> 01:21:18,799
-Diddly dee, dee, diddly dee!
-"Oh, my word, Jeremy,"
-
-1311
-01:21:18,800 --> 01:21:20,760
-"look what you've got as your car?!"
-
-1312
-01:21:20,761 --> 01:21:22,679
-"It's the new Ferrari FF."
-
-1313
-01:21:22,680 --> 01:21:25,759
-I wonder where Hammond is?
-
-1314
-01:21:25,760 --> 01:21:30,040
-Hammond had indeed checked into a
-Formule 1 in a Renault 4. THEY LAUGH
-
-1315
-01:21:41,160 --> 01:21:45,119
-The next morning, as I was
-finishing off my Mini repairs,
-
-1316
-01:21:45,120 --> 01:21:49,639
-it was clear that Jeremy
-hadn't had the best of nights.
-
-1317
-01:21:49,640 --> 01:21:54,439
-My pillow was just a pillowcase
-soaked in glacial water
-
-1318
-01:21:54,440 --> 01:21:56,119
-and then filled with stones.
-
-1319
-01:21:56,120 --> 01:21:59,679
-My sleeping bag broke.
-My blanket was see-through.
-
-1320
-01:21:59,680 --> 01:22:03,959
-My body was down to a temperature
-hitherto unknown to science.
-
-1321
-01:22:03,960 --> 01:22:06,360
-I would have come and bludgeoned
-you to death last night.
-
-1322
-01:22:06,361 --> 01:22:08,760
-But you're not moaning
-about it, so that's OK(!)
-
-1323
-01:22:16,720 --> 01:22:19,639
-The misery of tenting
-wasn't our only problem,
-
-1324
-01:22:19,640 --> 01:22:22,799
-because we were running out of India
-and it was clear,
-
-1325
-01:22:22,800 --> 01:22:24,280
-looking back...
-
-1326
-01:22:26,160 --> 01:22:29,040
-that our trade mission
-hadn't been a success.
-
-1327
-01:22:33,360 --> 01:22:34,560
-Thank you very much.
-
-1328
-01:22:37,760 --> 01:22:39,399
-CRASHING
-
-1329
-01:22:39,400 --> 01:22:41,040
-ALARM BLARES
-
-1330
-01:22:45,920 --> 01:22:49,759
-But then, in the next valley,
-we came across some kids playing
-
-1331
-01:22:49,760 --> 01:22:53,520
-a rudimentary version
-of India's most revered sport...
-
-1332
-01:22:57,680 --> 01:23:00,079
-which we decided
-could be improved.
-
-1333
-01:23:00,080 --> 01:23:01,639
-Guys!
-
-1334
-01:23:01,640 --> 01:23:04,879
-Excuse me? Guys!
-
-1335
-01:23:04,880 --> 01:23:07,279
-What's this?
-
-1336
-01:23:07,280 --> 01:23:09,599
-Right, you ready, Hammo?
-
-1337
-01:23:09,600 --> 01:23:12,160
-Ready?!
-HE REVS THE ENGINE
-
-1338
-01:23:14,240 --> 01:23:15,959
-Ohhh!
-
-1339
-01:23:15,960 --> 01:23:17,159
-Ready?!
-
-1340
-01:23:17,160 --> 01:23:19,520
-HE REVS THE ENGINE AGAIN
-
-1341
-01:23:22,240 --> 01:23:25,199
-'And so, outside the Hillview cafe,
-
-1342
-01:23:25,200 --> 01:23:28,520
-'high in the Himalayas,
-straight six cricket was born.'
-
-1343
-01:23:30,160 --> 01:23:32,399
-Whoa! There it comes! Oh, very good!
-
-1344
-01:23:32,400 --> 01:23:34,719
-THEY LAUGH
-
-1345
-01:23:34,720 --> 01:23:37,999
-We burdened them
-with the misery of cricket.
-
-1346
-01:23:38,000 --> 01:23:41,480
-Now, we're here to reinvent it.
-
-1347
-01:23:42,520 --> 01:23:46,719
-'In fact, it was such a hit,
-we decided to have a Test match.'
-
-1348
-01:23:46,720 --> 01:23:48,519
-This is England versus India now!
-
-1349
-01:23:48,520 --> 01:23:51,800
-Our crew are going to do
-some fielding.
-
-1350
-01:23:55,440 --> 01:23:56,799
-Good shot!
-
-1351
-01:23:56,800 --> 01:24:00,079
-New bowler, everybody. James May.
-
-1352
-01:24:00,080 --> 01:24:02,000
-HE REVS THE ENGINE
-
-1353
-01:24:03,080 --> 01:24:05,479
-Stat! Catch it!
-
-1354
-01:24:05,480 --> 01:24:07,920
-CHEERING
-
-1355
-01:24:09,720 --> 01:24:13,439
-Yes! Somebody's out!
-Love your move!
-
-1356
-01:24:13,440 --> 01:24:15,560
-Good answer!
-
-1357
-01:24:17,840 --> 01:24:21,679
-'Half a tank of Jag fuel later,
-the match was over
-
-1358
-01:24:21,680 --> 01:24:23,959
-'and India had won.'
-
-1359
-01:24:23,960 --> 01:24:26,279
-You know the Ashes?
-
-1360
-01:24:26,280 --> 01:24:28,959
-This is the bridge
-from his double bass.
-
-1361
-01:24:28,960 --> 01:24:32,839
-We burn this and then
-we present it in an urn...
-
-1362
-01:24:32,840 --> 01:24:34,439
-to you.
-
-1363
-01:24:34,440 --> 01:24:38,280
-'For the first time on our trade
-mission, we'd got something right.
-
-1364
-01:24:39,800 --> 01:24:43,679
-'In burning a bridge,
-we'd actually built a bridge
-
-1365
-01:24:43,680 --> 01:24:48,679
-'that would become a business bridge
-of friendship and erm... trade.'
-
-1366
-01:24:48,680 --> 01:24:50,679
-Well, there, that was quite good.
-
-1367
-01:24:50,680 --> 01:24:53,519
-Careful. They're really hot. Hot!
-
-1368
-01:24:53,520 --> 01:24:57,039
-You have the Ashes. You have the
-Ashes. Well done. See you in a year.
-
-1369
-01:24:57,040 --> 01:24:59,199
-Well done, everybody.
-Back in a year!
-
-1370
-01:24:59,200 --> 01:25:02,880
-We're taking them home next year!
-
-1371
-01:25:04,040 --> 01:25:08,040
-There was something else
-that we got right on this trip...
-
-1372
-01:25:10,320 --> 01:25:12,480
-our cars.
-
-1373
-01:25:14,280 --> 01:25:16,280
-This Jaguar has been...
-
-1374
-01:25:17,280 --> 01:25:20,399
-well, genuinely astonishing.
-
-1375
-01:25:20,400 --> 01:25:24,399
-It really has. It's done things
-WAY beyond what was envisaged
-
-1376
-01:25:24,400 --> 01:25:26,239
-when it was designed.
-
-1377
-01:25:26,240 --> 01:25:28,919
-And really, it's been two cars...
-
-1378
-01:25:28,920 --> 01:25:30,799
-in Bombay and Jaipur,
-
-1379
-01:25:30,800 --> 01:25:33,639
-it was sleek and graceful and fast,
-
-1380
-01:25:33,640 --> 01:25:36,439
-whereas here in the mountains,
-
-1381
-01:25:36,440 --> 01:25:38,399
-it's just plain heroic.
-
-1382
-01:25:38,400 --> 01:25:40,920
-I really, genuinely love this car.
-
-1383
-01:25:41,920 --> 01:25:44,279
-I want an XJS in my life.
-
-1384
-01:25:44,280 --> 01:25:47,719
-There's just something about it
-which is absolutely brilliant.
-
-1385
-01:25:47,720 --> 01:25:49,679
-ENGINE REVS
-
-1386
-01:25:49,680 --> 01:25:52,920
-I'm exhausted,
-but the old girl isn't.
-
-1387
-01:25:55,000 --> 01:25:58,079
-While we're alone, viewers,
-I'll be honest with you,
-
-1388
-01:25:58,080 --> 01:26:01,399
-I wasn't absolutely sure
-I'd make it in a Rolls-Royce.
-
-1389
-01:26:01,400 --> 01:26:05,439
-I always knew it was a gamble. And I
-was nervous about it all along.
-
-1390
-01:26:05,440 --> 01:26:09,000
-But look at this now...
-all still working perfectly.
-
-1391
-01:26:10,000 --> 01:26:11,880
-And it served me well.
-
-1392
-01:26:11,881 --> 01:26:13,759
-It hasn't really done
-anything wrong, this car,
-
-1393
-01:26:13,760 --> 01:26:16,759
-the only problems would have been
-ones that I created.
-
-1394
-01:26:16,760 --> 01:26:19,240
-It's just remarkable.
-
-1395
-01:26:25,200 --> 01:26:26,919
-One tough little puppy.
-
-1396
-01:26:26,920 --> 01:26:30,199
-And it's torn its own face off
-and been stitched back on.
-
-1397
-01:26:30,200 --> 01:26:33,119
-It's bruised, battered and scarred,
-but it's joyful.
-
-1398
-01:26:33,120 --> 01:26:35,519
-Even now, battling itself to pieces,
-
-1399
-01:26:35,520 --> 01:26:37,800
-it's a happy noise.
-
-1400
-01:26:39,040 --> 01:26:40,640
-It's still willing.
-
-1401
-01:26:48,080 --> 01:26:51,759
-'The truth is that these three
-fantastic cars have been better
-
-1402
-01:26:51,760 --> 01:26:55,879
-'ambassadors for Britain
-than we could ever be.
-
-1403
-01:26:55,880 --> 01:26:58,320
-'And that gave us an idea.'
-
-1404
-01:27:01,400 --> 01:27:03,400
-This is the place. This is perfect.
-
-1405
-01:27:04,960 --> 01:27:06,840
-Well, this is it.
-
-1406
-01:27:07,840 --> 01:27:09,359
-Goodbye, Jag.
-
-1407
-01:27:09,360 --> 01:27:13,760
-You have been an absolute star
-and I'm going to miss you.
-
-1408
-01:27:20,480 --> 01:27:24,359
-The Mini, the Jag and the Rolls
-would be mounted on plinths here,
-
-1409
-01:27:24,360 --> 01:27:28,600
-high in the mountains by the road
-connecting India and China...
-
-1410
-01:27:30,000 --> 01:27:31,959
-so that forevermore,
-
-1411
-01:27:31,960 --> 01:27:36,439
-people travelling between these two
-great economic superpowers will be
-
-1412
-01:27:36,440 --> 01:27:40,720
-reminded that far away, there's
-a small island called Britain...
-
-1413
-01:27:42,360 --> 01:27:44,600
-Great Britain.
-
-1414
-01:27:47,560 --> 01:27:54,039
-♪ Na-na-na, na-na na-na
-
-1415
-01:27:54,040 --> 01:27:56,759
-♪ Na-na na-na
-
-1416
-01:27:56,760 --> 01:27:59,160
-♪ Hey, Jude
-
-1417
-01:28:00,920 --> 01:28:07,159
-♪ Na-na-na, na-na na-na
-
-1418
-01:28:07,160 --> 01:28:10,039
-♪ Na-na na-na
-
-1419
-01:28:10,040 --> 01:28:11,160
-♪ Hey, Jude... ♪
-
-1420
-01:28:11,161 --> 01:28:13,799
-Sync and corrected by APOLLO
- www.addic7ed.com
+01:02:27,960 --> 01:02:30,000
+Get in! Get in.
diff --git a/apps/nextjs/package.json b/apps/nextjs/package.json
index f5e2f38..204ee69 100644
--- a/apps/nextjs/package.json
+++ b/apps/nextjs/package.json
@@ -22,6 +22,7 @@
"@t3-oss/env-nextjs": "^0.9.2",
"@tabler/icons-react": "^3.1.0",
"@tanstack/react-query": "^5.22.2",
+ "@tanstack/react-virtual": "^3.8.4",
"@trpc/client": "11.0.0-next-beta.294",
"@trpc/react-query": "11.0.0-next-beta.294",
"@trpc/server": "11.0.0-next-beta.294",
diff --git a/apps/nextjs/src/app/_components/navbar.tsx b/apps/nextjs/src/app/_components/navbar.tsx
index 3962c29..7d5cdeb 100644
--- a/apps/nextjs/src/app/_components/navbar.tsx
+++ b/apps/nextjs/src/app/_components/navbar.tsx
@@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ export async function Navbar(): Promise {
const showData = await db.query.show.findMany()
return (
-
+