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fortunes.txt
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fortunes.txt
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" " -- Harpo Marx
%
"Breakfast sometime?" "Sure." "Shall I call you, or just nudge you?"
%
"Criminal lawyer" is a redundancy.
%
"Daddy, the garbage man is here!" "Tell him we don't need any." -- Edward Abbey
%
"Define UNIVERSE; give two examples." "The perceived world; 1) mine, 2) yours."
%
"Do-so" is more important than "say-so". -- Pete Seeger
%
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
%
"For example" is not proof. -- Yiddish proverb
%
"Have you lived here all your life?" "Oh, twice that long."
%
"I really don't believe that, but I was raised that way." -- Carolyn Myss
%
"In no language can a double positive form a negative." "Yeah, yeah..."
%
"Keep the tourists out..." As fellow tourists we heartily agree. -- Edward Abbey
%
"Know thyself"? If I knew myself, I'd run away. -- Johann von Goethe
%
"My country right or wrong" is like saying, "My mother drunk or sober."
%
"Name two pronouns." "Who? Me?"
%
"Things" are thieves of time.
%
"Those good old days" really means "those good young days." -- Herbert Salzer
%
"Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
%
"Was that an avalanche, or was that thunder?" Mountaineers HATE that question.
%
"Wayne Newton is," he says, "an example of what America can be."
%
$HOME is where you hang your @.
%
...context... -- Manny Farber
%
/Earth is 98% full... Please delete anyone you can.
%
1 bull, 3 cows.
%
1. Thought is creative. 2. Fear attracts like energy. 3. Love is all there is.
%
10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
%
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing: 1 I.V. League.
%
24 hours in a day... 24 beers in a case... Coincidence?
%
28.35 grams of prevention are worth 0.45359 kilograms of cure.
%
355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number pi, but an incredible simulation.
%
97% of what I say is correct, and I don't care about the other 4%.
%
[He] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. -- Churchill
%
[Nuclear war]... may not be desirable. -- Edwin Meese III
%
[Unix] is not necessarily evil, like OS/2. -- Peter Norton
%
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
%
A [person] without religion is like a fish without pajamas. -- J. Powers
%
A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. -- Carl Sandburg
%
A backscratcher will always find new itches. -- Gomme
%
A backward poet writes inverse.
%
A bad random number generator: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1
%
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
%
A beggar can never be bankrupt. -- John Ray
%
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
%
A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
%
A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
%
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
%
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
%
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
%
A blind skydiver knows he's approaching the ground when the leash goes slack.
%
A boss says, "Go!" A leader says, "Let's go!" -- E.M. Kelley
%
A boss with no humor is like a job that's no fun.
%
A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed. -- John Steinbeck
%
A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
%
A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.
%
A business without a path to profit isn't a business, it's a hobby. -- Jason Fried
%
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
%
A cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. -- Mark Twain
%
A chain is no stronger than its weakest link.
%
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
%
A child does not need to be parented. He needs to be mothered and fathered.
%
A city is a large community where people are lonesome together. -- Prochnow
%
A civilized society makes swords into decoration. -- Danny Low
%
A clash of doctrine is not a disaster; it is an opportunity.
%
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
%
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
%
A clever prophet makes sure of the event first.
%
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
%
A collection of facts not necessarily science. -- Henri Poincar
%
A comet is about as close to nothing as you can get and still have something.
%
A committee is an animal with at least six legs, and no brain. -- Robert Heinlein
%
A company is known by the people it keeps.
%
A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil. -- Victor Hugo
%
A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
%
A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
%
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
%
A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Johann von Goethe
%
A CONS is an object which cares. -- Bernie Greenberg
%
A conspiracy of silence speaks louder than words.
%
A consultant saves his client almost enough to pay his fee. -- Arnold Glasgow
%
A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper. -- Dyer
%
A corkscrew is the best thing with which to open a conversation.
%
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. -- Franklin
%
A couple of months in the lab can often save a couple of hours in the library.
%
A coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man dies but once.
%
A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.
%
A crisis is when you can't say, "Let's just forget the whole thing." -- Ferguson
%
A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car. -- Kenneth Tynan
%
A critic is to an author as a fungus to an oak. -- Edward Abbey
%
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
%
A cult becomes a religion when it begins to kill those outside its membership.
%
A culture can be no stronger than its strongest myths. -- James Carse
%
A cynic is a disappointed lover.
%
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
%
A day without fear changes your life forever. -- Jerry Stocking
%
A day without fusion is like a day without sunshine.
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A day without orange juice is like a day without orange juice.
%
A day without sunshine is like night.
%
A dean is to a faculty as a hydrant is to a dog. -- Alfred Kahn
%
A deceased body harms the mind.
%
A diamond is just a lump of coal that made good under pressure.
%
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
%
A dime is a dollar after the taxes are taken out.
%
A disease known is half cured.
%
A doctor gets no pleasure out of the health of his friends. -- de Montaigne
%
A donkey raised among horses is still a donkey.
%
A drastic change to stay where you are always puts you in a different place.
%
A dream that is not interpreted is like a letter that is not read. -- Talmud
%
A drill is a tool. A hole is a solution.
%
A drink a day keeps the shrink away. -- Edward Abbey
%
A dry cough is the trumpeter of death.
%
A dying man can do nothing easy. -- Benjamin Franklin
%
A fail-safe circuit will destroy others. -- Klipstein
%
A fair exterior is a silent recommendation.
%
A family is the difference between a house and a home.
%
A fault recognized is half corrected.
%
A fault tolerant system must report the faults even as it tolerates them.
%
A feather in hand is better than a bird in the air. -- George Herbert
%
A fellow with a closed mind often has an open mouth.
%
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
%
A flood of words over a desert of thought. -- Simon Bolivar
%
A fool and his money are soon invited places.
%
A fool and his money are soon parted.
%
A fool and his money are soon partying.
%
A fool and his money stabilize the economy.
%
A fool and his words are soon parted. -- William Shenstone
%
A fool with money to burn soon meets his match.
%
A fool with tool is still a fool.
%
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. -- Ralph Emerson
%
A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular. -- Adlai Stevenson
%
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
%
A friend in need is a friend indeed.
%
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
%
A friend is one with whom you dare to be yourself.
%
A friend to everyone is a friend to no one.
%
A full belly makes a dull brain.
%
A full heart should not go where an empty mind leads.
%
A gambler plays slot machines. I prefer to OWN slot machines. -- Donald Trump
%
A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding ducks.
%
A genius is always on duty; even his dreams are tax deductible. -- Edward Abbey
%
A gift of flower will soon be made to you.
%
A goal is a dream with a deadline. (But do you really need a deadline?)
%
A god can create a world only by listening. -- James Carse
%
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
%
A good compromise is where two people both end up unhappy.
%
A good example is the best sermon. -- H. Jackson Brown
%
A good landing: You can walk away. A great landing: You can reuse the airplane.
%
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
%
A good painter can draw a devil as well as an angel. -- G. Delamothe
%
A good philosopher is one who does not take ideas seriously. -- Edward Abbey
%
A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. -- Patton
%
A good scapegoat is hard to find.
%
A good supervisor can step on your toes without messing up your shine.
%
A good tale cannot too often be told. -- Sir T. More
%
A good tongue is a good weapon. -- James Kelly
%
A good word costs no more than a bad one. -- B. Googe
%
A good workman is known by his tools.
%
A government able to give you all you want can also take away all you have.
%
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on Paul's support.
%
A grasshopper has 100 more distinct muscles than a human.
%
A great idea needs landing gear, not just wings.
%
A great person never reminds us of others.
%
A great ship asks deep waters. -- George Herbert
%
A hacker does for love what others would not do for money. -- Laura Creighton
%
A half-truth is closer to falsehood than to veracity. -- Abba Eban
%
A hammer sometimes misses its mark; a bouquet, never.
%
A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
%
A handful of sand is an anthology of the universe. -- David McCord
%
A hard life is a free lesson in poetry. -- John Taylor
%
A hard-working farmer has plenty to eat. -- Solomon
%
A harp is a nude piano.
%
A heavy purse makes a light heart.
%
A helicopter is just a bunch of parts flying in close formation.
%
A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. -- Samuel Butler II
%
A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity.
%
A hero is a man who does what he can. -- Romain Rolland
%
A highbrow is a person educated beyond his intelligence. -- Brander Matthews
%
A home where the buffalo roam... Is messy.
%
A homeowner's reach should exceed her grasp, or what's a weekend for?
%
A house without books is like a room without windows. -- Horace Mann
%
A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.
%
A joke breaks no bones.
%
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
%
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance from Mom.
%
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. -- Lao Tsu
%
A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
%
A kid'll eat the middle of an Oreo, eventually.
%
A king's castle is his home.
%
A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
%
A lady draws a line, while a tramp falls for a line. -- Robert Byrne
%
A lady is chaste. A tramp is chased.
%
A lady lives for a loving. A tramp loves for a living.
%
A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant fool. -- Molire
%
A learned man always has wealth within himself.
%
A leopard cannot change his spots. -- Shakespeare
%
A liar is not believed when he speaks the truth. -- Cicero
%
A liar needs a good memory. -- Quintilian
%
A lie has a short life, but truth lives on for ever. -- Solomon
%
A lie in time saves nine.
%
A life without tragedy would not be worth living. -- Edward Abbey
%
A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.
%
A list is only as strong as its weakest link. -- Donald Knuth
%
A little experience often upsets a lot of theory.
%
A little fire consumes a great wood. -- Roger Edgeworth
%
A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation. -- C. E. Ayres
%
A little knowledge can be a ridiculous thing. -- Scott Adams
%
A little sunlight is the best disinfectant. -- Justice Louis Brandeis
%
A living dog is better than a dead lion. -- Old Testament
%
A log may float in a river, but that does not make it a crocodile.
%
A long life deprives man of his optimism. -- Ernest Hemingway
%
A long tongue is a sign of a short hand. -- George Herbert
%
A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
%
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. -- Steven Wright
%
A love for the land does not necessarily equate with good care of the land.
%
A loving mate can see the good in you even when you cannot.
%
A low level language is one whose programs require attention to the irrelevant.
%
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
%
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. -- Snow
%
A man can do everything with a sword except sit on it. -- Talleyrand
%
A man can do no more than he can.
%
A man can only be young once, but he can be immature forever. -- Catherine Aird
%
A man cannot be in two places at the same time.
%
A man does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself.
%
A man doesn't become a failure until he is satisfied with being one. -- Henry Cate
%
A man in the house is worth two in the street. -- Mae West
%
A man is a lion in his own cause.
%
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
%
A man is known to be mortal by two things, sleep and lust. -- Francis Bacon
%
A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. -- John Barrymore
%
A man is not so soon healed as hurt. -- Porter
%
A man may lose his goods for want of demanding them. -- Thomas Draxe
%
A man may lose more in an hour than he can get in seven.
%
A man must not swallow more beliefs than he can digest. -- Havelock Ellis
%
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
%
A man never becomes an orator if he has anything to say. -- Finley Dunne
%
A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either. -- Soren Kierkegaard
%
A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears. -- Montaigne
%
A man who fishes for marlin in ponds will put his money in Etruscan bonds.
%
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
%
A man will never change his mind if he has no mind to change. -- Trench
%
A man with two clocks never knows exactly what is the time.
%
A man without a woman is like a fish without gills.
%
A man without reason is a beast in season. -- Howell
%
A man without religion is like a horse without a bridle.
%
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
%
A man's envy alludes to where his ambition fails. -- William Wall
%
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
%
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
%
A man's home is his castle.
%
A man's house is his hassle.
%
A man's library is his map drawn to scale. -- John Taylor
%
A man's praise in his own mouth stinks.
%
A man's soul may be buried under a pile of money. -- Nathaniel Hawthorne
%
A mantra is a training device to break you out of your attachments. -- Ram Dass
%
A mask tells us more than the face. -- Oscar Wilde
%
A mathematician knows how to solve a problem, but can't do it. -- Milne
%
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
%
A million here, a million there; soon you're talking real money. -- Sen. Everett Dirksen
%
A mind that is stretched by an idea will never return to its original size.
%
A mink is just a high-budget weasel.
%
A miracle is not an event that heals the physical body, but the mind and spirit.
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A modest little person, with much to be modest about. -- Winston Churchill
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A moneyless man goes fast through the market. -- Fuller
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A motion to adjourn is always in order.
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A movie's badness is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
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A museum is a collection of labels, illustrated by specimens. -- George Goode
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A mushroom cloud has no silver lining.
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A nerd is simply someone who thinks exceedingly inside the box. -- Nassim Taleb
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A nuclear war cannot be won and must never be fought. -- Ronald Reagan
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A page of history is worth a volume of logic.
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A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.
%
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants. -- Ella Wilcox
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A peaceful man is the first criterion if you want to have a peaceful universe.
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A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space. -- Gloria Steinem
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A penalty for hubris is always exacted. -- Jon Bayh
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A pencil with no point needs no eraser.
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A penny saved has not been spent.
%
A penny saved is an economic breakthrough.
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A penny saved is better than a penny earned -- after taxes.
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A penny saved is ridiculous.
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A person before birth knows exactly what they're buying into. -- Ram Dass
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A person forgives only when he is in the wrong.
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A person is innocent until proven President.
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A person is just about as big as the things that make him angry.
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A person paints with his brains and not with his hands.
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A pessimist is a married optimist.
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A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms. -- George Wald
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A pious man is one who would be an atheist if the king were. -- la Bruyere
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A plagiarist steals a writer's mental children. -- Isaac Asimov
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A plateau is a high form of flattery.
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A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
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A poet can survive anything but a misprint. -- Oscar Wilde
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A poet is born not made.
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A poet who reads his verse in public might have other nasty habits.
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A political career brings out the basest qualities in human nature. -- Bryce
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A poor man sells his saucepan to buy something to put in it.
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A pound of salt will not sweeten a single cup of tea.
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A pragmatist is one who's ideology/theology has failed. -- Herbert Schlossberg
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A prediction is but an explanation in advance. -- James Carse
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A preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with. -- William Safire
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A President is impeachable if he attempts to subvert the Constitution. -- Madison
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A private sin is not so prejudicial in the world as a public indecency.
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A problem found by appraisal must be found and fixed each time it occurs.
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A problem found by solution is gone forever.
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A problem is nothing more than a solution in disguise. -- John Taylor
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A productive drunk is the bane of moralists.
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A project not worth doing at all is not worth doing well.
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A proliferation of theories is a symptom of a lack of data. -- Eddington
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A prophet is not without honor save in his own country. -- New Testament
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A prosperous fool is a grievous burden. -- Aeschylus
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A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience. -- Miguel de Cervantes
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A prudent question is one-half of wisdom. -- Bacon
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A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it first.
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A quarter ounce of chocolate equals four pounds of fat.
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A quiet conscience sleeps in thunder.
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A radical is a man with both feet firmly planted in the air. -- Franklin Roosevelt
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A real friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
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A recent survey indicated 54% of the population is interested in statistics.
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A recent survey proved 51% of the population are in the majority.
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A relationship cannot be healthier than both people.
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A Renaissance man diffuses to refine himself. -- Steve Hug
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A Renaissance man refuses to define himself.
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A rich person is not one who has the most, but one who needs the least.
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A ring is a hole with a rim round it.
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A ringing telephone is a request, not an order.
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A rising tide lifts all boats. -- Sean Lemass
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A rolling stone gathers momentum.
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A rolling stone gathers no moss. -- Publilius Syrus
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A sadist is a masochist who follows the Golden Rule.
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A sadist is a person who is kind to a masochist. -- Arthur Koestler
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A scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy.
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A scientist must be successful and not a success-fool. -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
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A second class effort is a first class mistake.
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A second fault ought not to be pardoned. -- G. Delamothe
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A secret is too little for one, enough for two, too much for three.
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A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. -- Clive James
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A sentence is worth a thousand words.
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A serious work in philosophy could be written that consisted entirely of jokes.
%
A ship carrying a cargo of yo-yos was hit by a typhoon and sank 23 times.
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A ship on the beach is a lighthouse to the sea. -- Dutch proverb
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A short prayer penetrates heaven.
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A shortcut is the longest path between two points.
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A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least the end of the blackboard.
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. -- Joseph Stalin
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A sinking ship gathers no moss. -- Donald Kaul
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A slave is one who waits for someone to come and free him. -- Ezra Pound
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A small fire makes often a great smoke. -- G. Delamothe
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A small leak will sink a great ship. -- Benjamin Franklin
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A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two.
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A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight.
%
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
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A soft drink turneth away company.
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A standard that no one follows is worse than useless; it is a waste of time.
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A stitch in time saves nine.
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A straight stick is crooked in the water.
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A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows. -- O'Henry
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A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
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A stupid person cannot be advised. -- Lawrence Hirsch
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A successful American spends more supporting the government than a family.
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A successful tool is used to do something undreamed of by its author. -- Samuel Johnson
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A sucking chest wound is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
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A system meant for common use should rarely need uncommon knowledge. -- Redford
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A table centerpiece should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
%
A tale never loses in the telling.
%
A taxi driver is a man who drives away customers. -- Henry Cate
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A teacher affects eternity. -- Henry Adams
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A theorist right once in ten is a hero; an observer wrong that often is a bum.
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A theory is better than its explanation. -- Woodward
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A thief passes for a gentleman when stealing has made him rich. -- Fuller
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A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
%
A thing is not true for you until it is true in thought, word, and deed. -- God?
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A third party cannot mediate a dispute if they are even subtley involved.
%
A thought is often original, though you have uttered it a hundred times.
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A tree is known by its fruit. -- New Testament
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A triangle that has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
%
A tribe is a group of people who honor the same perceptions. -- Carolyn Myss
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A true Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
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A true sign of wealth is free time -- freedom from drudgery. -- Daniel Newman
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A truly wise person never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
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A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent. -- Blake
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A university without students is like an ointment without a fly. -- Ed Nather
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A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
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A verbal contract isn't worth the paper its printed on. -- Samuel Goldwyn
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A violent man will die a violent death. -- Lao Tsu
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A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
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A vision is only as good as the clarity of the image presented. -- TWendle
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A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
%
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
%
A waist is a terrible thing to mind. -- Ziggy
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A watched clock never boils. -- Tom Weller
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A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention. -- Herbert Simon
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A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own flowers.
%
A weed is a plant whose virtues have not been discovered. -- Ralph Emerson
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A white bear which is nice, then nasty, then nice, is a... Bipolar bear.
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A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver.
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A wise man cares not for what he cannot have. -- George Herbert
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A wise man is never surprised. -- Horace
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A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.
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A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire
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A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast. -- E. W. Howe
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A woman is as old as she looks to a man who likes to look at her. -- Finley Dunne
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A woman is as young as she feels like telling you she is.
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A woman need not reveal her age, only her passions.
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A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
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A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. -- Gloria Steinem
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A word in time is worth two afterwards. -- James Carmichaell
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A word to the wise is enough. -- Miguel de Cervantes
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A writer must not shift your point of view. -- William Safire
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A writer without an audience is a writer; a writer with an audience, very lucky.
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A yawn is a silent shout. -- G. K. Chesterton
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A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
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A young man might have more money than brains -- but not for long!
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Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
%
Abandoning my search for truth, now I search for petrified wood.
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Ability has nothing to do with opportunity. -- Napoleon
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About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
%
About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
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About when we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. -- Herbert Hoover
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Above all things, reverence yourself.
%
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest precedent.
%
Absence makes the heart go wander.
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Absence makes the heart grow fonder. -- Sextus Propertius
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Absence makes the heart grow fonder... For someone else.
%
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
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Absence sharpens love. Presence strengthens it. -- Thomas Fuller
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Absence works wonders. -- Tottel
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Absolute truth is a 5-4 decision by the Supreme Court.
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Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it is out of date.) -- Stafford Beer
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Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
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Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
%
Abstinence vanishes with presence.
%
Abstraction is achieved by data hiding and enforced by encapsulation.
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Abstraction is representing the whole by a part of the whole.
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Absurdity: Statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
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Academy: A modern school where football is taught.
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Accept a breath mint if someone offers you one. -- H. Jackson Brown
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Accept forgiveness as a way of life.
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Accept loneliness as normal, merely a sign that action is required. -- Limon
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Accept your ordination. -- Carolyn Myss
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Access denied -- nyah, nyah!
%
Accident: When presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.
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According to my calculations, the problem does not exist.
%
According to the official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
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Accordionated: Able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.
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Accuracy: The vice of being right.
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Achilles cannot defeat the tortoise if he thinks of space and time. -- Valery
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Acting: An art that consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
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Action is what separates an opinion from a belief. -- Patel
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Action makes more fortune than caution.
%
Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.
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Actions speak louder than words. -- Confucius
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Activation Energy: The useful energy available in one cup of coffee.
%
Actors will happen in the best-regulated families.
%
Actual usability is inversely proportionate to apparent user-friendliness.
%
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
%
Ad astra per aspera. (To the stars through hardships.)
%
Ad: Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
%
Ad: Cute kitten for sale, 2 cents or best offer.
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Ad: Free puppies: 1/2 cocker spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor dog.
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Ad: Georgia peaches -- California grown -- 89 cents/lb.
%
Ad: Joining nudist colony, must sell washer & dryer -- $300.
%
Ad: Snow blower for sale... Only used on snowy days.
%
Ad: Tickle Me Elmo. New in box. Hardly tickled. $700.
%
Adaptation precludes adaptivity. -- Carl White
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Adde parvum parvo magnus acervus erit. (Add little to little, get big pile.)
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Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later. -- Frederick Brooks
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Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
%
Admit it, unplug, and get it over with. -- Carolyn Myss
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Adolescence: That period of time between puberty and adultery.
%
Adolf Hitler made a mistake admiring Napoleon's strategy.
%
Adult: A person that has stopped growing at both ends but not in the middle.
%
Adult: One old enough to know better.
%
Adultery: Putting yourself in someone else's position.
%
Adults are just kids who owe money.
%
Advanced design: Upper management doesn't understand it.
%
Advanced technology: It's too complicated for me.
%
Adventure is a sign of incompetence. -- Roald Amundsen
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Adversity introduces man to himself.
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Adversity makes a man wise, not rich. -- John Ray
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Advertising is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission. -- Fred Allen
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Advice from an old carpenter: Measure twice, saw once.
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Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
%
Advice is a form of nostalgia. -- Mary Schmich
%
Advice is least heeded when most needed.
%
Advocacy addiction limits our ability to learn from others; use inquiry instead.
%
Aeroma: Odor emanating from an exercise room after an aerobics workout.
%
Affection blinds reason. -- J. Howell
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Affection makes a fool of any man. -- Ben Jonson
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Affluenza: Compulsively buying possessions to satisfy some inner urge. -- Moxcey
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After a calm comes a storm. -- Thomas Draxe
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After a storm comes a calm.
%
After age 30, we are all in extra innings. -- Alan Silverstein
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After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done. -- Olmstead
%
After dinner sit awhile, after supper walk a mile. -- Whetstone
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After enlightenment, do the laundry. -- Zen proverb
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After enough decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
%
After having sex, talk to your wife, if there is a phone in reach.
%
After painting the town red, take a rest before applying a second coat.
%
After pleasure comes pain. -- J. C. Bridge
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After the game, the king and the pawn go in the same box. -- Italian proverb
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Afterism: A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late. -- Thom
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